Getting ready to head downstairs and get this food made. While listening to the latest broadcast from TBA which I will post right after I type this. I have to give a shout out to TBA who has put out a number of timely After Hours and normal broadcast covering the dangers of getting involved with the wrong people including but not limited to family-members and women you intend to deal with and are or were involved with.
He made a great point a long time ago about how difficult it is to be Black, particularly to be a Blackman. And then LEGITIMATELY build up your business and start making good money without compromising and selling out. Only to not pay attention to the people in your circle around you and end up losing everything where...?
He pointed out how hard it is for Blackmen in business TO REBUILD AND REGAIN WHAT THEY LOSE AFTER THEY'VE HAD IT FINANCIALLY.
The unfunny thing is that when I pointed this out to My Mother light-years ago, I was in my early 20's and told her then that it seemed like I was having to go NOTICEABLY TOO FAR ABOVE-N-BEYOND to make headway BUSINESS-WISE FOR MYSELF. In comparison to some other people that I knew, who were Black. But they were more than willing to sellout and buckdance and compromise to get White Investments and such.
She thought I was being paranoid and took the typical route of you need to just work harder. Flash forward A WHOLE LOTTA YEARS to 2010 and her tone was TOTALLY DIFFERENT. Where she openly ADMITTED that she knew even back then that the deck is PARTICULARLY STACKED HARD AGAINST BLACKMEN IN BUSINESS FOR THEMSELVES. But she was able to navigate because WHITES DO NOT SEE BLACKWOMEN AS LEGIT THREATS.
-_-
Needless to say I wasn't exactly pleased by her admission that she knew what I was saying then. But decided to ignore it and give me the preprogrammed spiel of work harder. It was very interesting and very telling because she then stated that she wished I was more jaded and bitter, from using that as a MOTIVATIONAL DRIVE TO WORK HARDER.
-_-
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh?
Okay.
NO.
And I remember finally saying to her, why didn't YOU JUST INVEST IN WHAT I WAS DOING AND HELP ME OUT?
Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd, then.
Awkward silence.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAH!
Sometimes it amazes me that there are some among Us who will KNOW WHAT THEY SHOULD DO. And they will INTENTIONALLY NOT DO IT. And then say "Work harder." while knowing that has nothing. To do with nothing.
My Older Sister-In-Law asked me during Thanksgiving why is it that Noni has given me such a hard time. And My Mother told her that Noni is my crazy ex-wife. At no point did she mention anything about how she co-signed Noni's treachery and lies and VOLUNTARILY DID NOTHING TO STOP ANYTHING THAT NONI WAS DOING WHILE KNOWING THE ENTIRE TIME WHAT WAS GOING ON AND WHAT WAS ABOUT TO HAPPEN TO ME.
Now?
You see...?
And then I told her and My Oldest Brother who looked a bit concerned and it was FUNNY! Because I could SEE ON HIS FACE THAT HE REMEMBERED "Oh shit...!? You can't ask Shawn a question like that because he'll fuckin answer regardless of the fact that
And I told her without hesitation "Because of My Mother. My Mother exhibits the same behavior of instability and questionable loyalty. And when she met my very first girlfriend and saw that she was the exact opposite of Her. She immediately set about sabotaging Our Relationship along with Melissa's parents who also saw that I was the Opposite of Her Father."
You wanna talk about UNCOMFORTABLE?
And My Oldest Brother just had this look like "Yeah... You haven't changed one bit."
I then showed Oldest Sister-In-Law a picture OF MY MOTHER when she was younger and then asked her "What do you SEE when you look at this picture? Does this woman honestly look stable?"
And she was IN SHOCK!
Because she could not believe that I was HONESTLY ANSWERING HER ON WHERE I MADE MY WRONG TURN IN REGARDS TO NONI and I told her "My Mother made excuse after excuse for Noni's behavior. Because NONI, was MORE LIKE HER. Than Melissa ever was. Then she set about CONVINCING ME to be more patient and she's had a rough life and give her time, etc-etc!"
^_^
You see.
My point is this, I had already HAD IT ESTABLISHED BY MY MOTHER when I was a child that when I turn 18, I'm getting out. And that was because I was an unwanted pregnancy created by a highly intelligent Blackwoman who could have gone to Ivy League Colleges WHEN IVY LEAGUE COLLEGES DIDN'T ACCEPT BLACKS UNLESS YOU WERE ACTUALLY EXCEPTIONAL AND COULD PROVE IT!
So I'm FULLY AWARE of where My Intelligence comes from.
The Irony is that My Father is where MY HUMANITY COMES FROM.
Bottom line.
Because I let My Mother eventually talk down My Defenses when I was growing up.
Where SHE TOOK OFFENSE TO ME TAKING HER THREATS SERIOUSLY AS I WAS GROWING UP.
So?
Wrap your brain around that for a bit.
No no, go on and try that out.
Then pay attention to what I have typed and talked about and even done in regards to someone like Stacey.
Then it all makes sense.
When PARENTS.
Instill bizarre bullshit INTO THEIR CHILDREN BECAUSE OF THEIR OWN ISSUES, the chickens ALWAYS COME HOME TO ROOST IN THE FORM OF THEIR CHILDREN'S PRODUCTIVITY OR LACK THEREOF.
TBA talks EXTENSIVELY about the fact that TOO MANY BLACK PARENTS, GLOBALLY! Set there children up FOR FAILURE ON PURPOSE. Knowing full-well that OUTSIDE THEIR DOORS IS A WHITE POWER SUPREMACY STRUCTURE WAITING TO POUNCE EARLY AND OFTEN UNTIL THE CHILD IS EATEN!
And I've already told you, and You already know;
You cannot win a war with an external force with no internal stability.
It is a proven fact of history and life itself. And it is measurable on the personal-level all the way to the national-level. When you IGNORE INTERNAL THREATS. And MAKE EXCUSES FOR WHAT IS HAPPENING AND HAS HAPPENED. Then NEVER ADDRESS THE ISSUE AND THEN HANDLE IT, well...?
You get what you deserve.
Nothing.
So FOR ME!? I am PLEASED AS PUNCH.
That regardless of all else, as I near My 45th-birthday. I've finally GOTTEN A HANDLE ON CUTTING OFF UNWORTHY PEOPLE. Regardless of what I may type on here. The Reality is, I simply don't PHYSICALLY DO ANYTHING TO RESOLVE THINGS WITH THOSE WHO HAVE PROVEN THEMSELVES TO BE A THREAT TO ME. Something I used to be very good at doing growing up. Till, as I've said before. My Mother saw that once I turned 18. She knew full-well I was going to go out that door.
And never come back.
Nor ever look back, as I should've.
Based on her behavior and her words.
The moment I lost my apartment last year. And ended up here at this room. I've had a certain return to normalcy for me. Where I've been more grounded in accepting that people who would be close to me and try to knife me. Have to be made examples of but not in a malicious way. But by simply telling the truth about them. I don't need to exaggerate. Or embellish. Or any other word that means lie, in some way. Shape. And/or form. And the things that TBA has pointed out REGARDING THIS AREA OF HOW BLACKMEN SHOULD CONDUCT THEMSELVES REGARDING THEIR CIRCLE OF FAMILY-FRIENDS-&-WOMEN...?
He's right on all counts.
And I've got no problems with saying Thank You to him for putting out broadcasts that are not about sparing Blackmen's feelings about where and how We're out here fucking up and not doing things the way We need to Do Them. When I combine his own actions and words with My Own Life and Experiences?
It gives me clarity and helps to reinforce My Drive and Decisions to get back to the top again....
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