Everything Comes with a Price....

WELL!? I ate and then started typing and then FELL ASLEEP! And I'm still tired. 

Good Morning from 4TH-DAY OF RAIN IN A ROW PHILADELPHIA!

Well, it's 7am EST! I've been wondering throughout the week why MY KNEES have been acting up and now I'm looking out the window AT IT! Rain. It's been rainy and overcast and miserable for almost 4-days straight! However while the weather has been COLD AND WET, for me!? It has been ABSOLUTELY PRODUCTIVE!

Every morning when I get up I type an email, a journal-log if you will, for My Son. I just finished this morning and I've shared some of them on here before. There is, A LOT, that I NEED TO SAY but I can't always do that because I don't want to FULLY OPEN THAT EMOTIONAL-PSYCHOLOGICAL DOOR and NOT KNOW I'll get through the day without REACTING AND ACTING IN A NEGATIVE WAY to everything that has happened.

I had to suffer in silence and simply WAIT EVERYTHING OUT when it came to dealing with the situation with Noni and My Son. The only thing I HAD was My Word and My Actions. And I had to INTENTIONALLY ACT COUNTER TO WHAT I WANTED TO DO in order to get to where I AM NOW. And it LITERALLY COST MY SON HIS CHILDHOOD WITH ME AND MINE WITH HIM. However?

I am now in position to get My Son back and from a "legal standpoint", Noni knows that the climate of simply giving out Free Passes for vindictiveness in the domestic system has become too costly for Whites to maintain. Just. As. I. Told her.

To get where I am, BASED ON the situation and circumstances I'd gotten myself in...!
I was willing to pay the price of;
My Freedom and My Health, along with My Happiness. The happiness that Being a Father brought me and all of the great times that I was having with My Son.
My Future, directly involved with My Son along with My Self-Respect and Reputation/Public Image.
All of My Wealth and My Belongings. I lost everything.

And I had to lose all of these things.
In order to GAIN the opportunity for My Son and I to HAVE A FUTURE.
>_<
I remember when I saw how Noni immediately reacted when I was holding My Son and he was crying at first because I'd already been gone for days when she started all of this shit. But the moment we stood in the light together he immediately stopped crying and he was looking at me like "WHERE DID YOU GO!?"
Just typing that is.
Hard.
Because it brings back memories of a time I will NEVER be able to have with Him again.
Ever.

I have to LIVE WITH THAT and ALL THE OTHER TIMES HE HAD TO ASK HIMSELF "Where is My Father?"
That is why it is HARD for me to Forgive You, Stacey.
Because everything has a price.
I have ALWAYS BEEN WILLING TO PAY THOSE PRICES.

How about you...?
Do You KNOW when is the right time to make GOOD CHOICES that will come as a HIGH PRICE and REQUIRE a STEEP DOWN PAYMENT FOR A BETTER FUTURE?
Part of the reason why everything was so difficult for You when you were with Me is because for the first time in YOUR LIFE. You HAD TO LIVE UP to the things you'd say and do. There was no more simply talking and everyone simply pretends to be ignorant of what you said and then whatever happens, happens.
No.

Now it was; You have to honor your words.
And I don't care how anyone tries to make excuses about it, when ANYONE, MYSELF INCLUDED ESPECIALLY! When ANYONE has had LITERAL DECADES of NEVER HAVING TO BE ACCOUNTABLE FOR THEIR WORDS AND ACTIONS, it is going to be a SHOCK TO THEIR SYSTEM when they finally ENCOUNTER ANYONE WHO FINALLY SAYS;
"Yo? You can't make that move. You can't do that. Because you said x-y-z, so? If you want to be TAKEN. SERIOUSLY. Well? Now you have to DO. X-Y-Z, you have to LIVE UP TO WHAT YOU SAID, otherwise? You can't keep randomly talking and saying the right things while not doing what you said."

Everything comes with a price.
And in all honesty EVERYONE READING THIS ACTUALLY KNOWS THAT.
The question IS ALWAYS THE SAME;
How much are you WILLING. TO PAY.

I'm gonna head out of here to work. I'm gonna GET THESE DRAWINGS DONE. Then? TONIGHT!? I'm gonna go on ahead and FINALLY put this post up, and no, this STILL is NOT the post that I have been AVOIDING nor is it the Dilemma I've Talked About BUT BY NOW IT SHOULD BE OBVIOUS. Word got back to me IMMEDIATELY about a post you made on your blog where you casually talk about how you passed out. From the pain of the cysts you have right where you had to have the ovarian surgery done. And that's nothing to be casual about and you know it and so will anyone else reading this. But I know from experience because this was exactly what killed Valinda when we were high schoolers. I was asked repeatedly on Tuesday Night when I came in;

What if she dies man, is this how you want things to honestly end?

And the answer is an OBVIOUS.

NO.