Sick Day for Me & Why I Hate FORCED MOVES in My Life....

Well? I only made it an hour-&-a-half before I couldn't write up my reports, let alone run around on patrols. So I've been passed out here asleep, literally just took some ibuprofen that Wayne just gave me. I was left with NO CHOICE but to trudge to the supermarket after waking up at 4pm EST. Half my head is still pounding and I still feel like shit and it all stems from that shitty night's worth of fuckin sleep! And it is DEEPER THAN THAT, I'm simply NOT GONNA GET INTO IT JUST YET! I will say though that it has to do with THE LIVING CONDITIONS HERE and I MUST MOVE.

And that pisses me off.
Because I don't wanna move to a new place yet without either getting some sort of sales from Williams Works or having put together ENOUGH MONEY to pay for ADVERTISING FOR WILLIAMS WORKS!

But?
These living conditions, are unstable.
And it's time for me to stop thinking like I need to be thankful for every little fuckin life favor like having a roof over my head, a job, etc-etc.

The REALITY IS that I am SUPPOSED to have these things. That isn't one of Life's Little Favors, these things are actually A GIVEN. Even as I type this I am forced to confront that part of the reason why I'd experienced such a downturn in my life is because of the fact that My Expectations of Life and MY MENTALITY DOWNTURNED.

Whereas in my younger years My Expectations were always centered on success and understanding that bare minimum is bare minimum. It isn't something to be grateful for, what it actually means is that I am fucking up! And I've become thankful for shit I should already be fuckin doing and having.
Low standards brings low-expectations which breeds, FAILURE.
I don't need any outside authors to teach and tell me such basic bullshit.

However?
As I told Reggie when we worked at the Plantation-station "Where are OUR MEETING HALLS AT? Where are the Black Owned Meeting Houses and Halls so We can sit and talk amongst OURSELVES and have information readily available regarding local and national events. Post information for services and opportunities, etc. These are the things that I need to create, but I don't have the capital to do it and the few times I talk to Blacks that DO HAVE IT their first and ONLY FEAR IS THAT THE WHITES WHO ARE THEIR SOURCE OF REVENUE. Will DIVEST FROM THEM THE MOMENT THEY FIND OUT ABOUT WHAT THEY ARE SPONSORING AND SUPPORTING ME IN DOING."

This kind of cowardice, has become a crutch that too many Blacks run to when they are called to task to FINANCE SOMETHING WORTHWHILE AND STRICTLY FOR US. I don't care about Oprah building a school in South Africa if she hasn't built one in the Southside of Chicago. And I'm not one to type that without knowing I can go do that myself. But it is these penny-enny distractions that keep DIVERTING ME AWAY FROM SIMPLY STOCKPILING MONEY. And having to MOVE is going to INCREASE my expences. But I cannot have the bullshit I went through LAST NIGHT, interferring IN MY ABILITY TO DO MY DAY JOB, WHICH BY DEFAULT!

Jeopardizes My Ability to FINANCE MY ACTUAL JOB AND IDEAS.

Ironically though, the local supermarket had a sale on college ruled notebooks and composition books.

Pens.

All for UNDER A DOLLAR for the notebooks & such!

Pens were two a pack for barely over a DOLLAR!

I stocked up.

With that said my brain is hurting and I don't think I helped myself by lugging all that shit back here, so!?

Need to eat and either lay down or flat out go back to bed.

Before I passed out earlier, managed to scribble out some more notes for Tansoba Ellis' first story....