I have decided to once again post one of my journal-entries for My Son. I TRY TO make sure to make an entry EVERY DAY. If not every other day. So he can be able to read exactly what I was doing all this time. As I said all of this will be compiled into my ebook "Diary of a Deadbeat". Yesterday I was told that I am too hard and harsh on myself, by some of the people in my neighborhood and I appreciated what they said, but?
A Blackman who allows Whites and a self-hating Ex-Wife to separate him from his son really has fucked up and fuck up I did. I knew who My Ex-Wife was and I continued to try to build something when it was clear, she made it clear on her part that she'd tear anything I built down. But I kept going anyway. So in the face of that fact I don't consider myself being hard or harsh on myself, because TECHNICALLY? I am a deadbeat dad, or? I was.
As I've said before the entire amount of child support I owed was zeroed out by My Ex-Wife last year in February. Where people who were skeptical of what I was saying, that it was always all about "Shawn, if you just DO WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO AND DON'T DIVORCE ME AND SHUT UP!? Then shit'll be cool." and no that is NOT what she said. That is WHAT SHE DID. This is another reason why I moved without hesitation and STOMPED ALL OVER THAT PSSSSSST BULLSHIT THAT STACEY PUT AN EXCERPT OUT ON.
I mean what I type. I DO NOT act ANY DIFFERENTLY HERE. THAN I DO IN THE REAL WORLD. From crazy shit like this;
People think History doesn't matter, till it is about THEIR PERSONAL-HISTORY, being important. History OF ALL KINDS MATTER. This is why I am typing my journals up into one book for my son. But it is also why I continue to do journal entries for him SO HE CAN SEE WHAT NOT TO DO. And? I can also TALK TO HIM ABOUT WHAT HE CAN DO TO AVOID MY MISTAKES AND TO BE BETTER AT LIFE THAN I HAVE BEEN.
The reason why the $61,000 disappeared is the same reason why Stacey has now disappeared. Because now that I have decided TO OPEN MY MOUTH AND STOP KEEPING SECRETS? Just like with My Ex-Wife, well? Shit? THIS ISN'T ANY FUN NOW, SO!? I gotta go! And uhhhhh, yeah! SORRY FOR WASTING YOUR TIME, and uhhhh? YEAH! BYE!
-_-
This is what I mean about the Code of Conduct for Women being gone now. You can't just LASH OUT cause shit didn't go your way. People are gonna take you SERIOUSLY. NOBODY WANTS TO HONESTLY QUESTION A WOMAN'S WORD, LET'S JUST BE HONEST, NOBODY! WANTS TO HAVE TO QUESTION A WOMAN'S WORD! It is by far the most BIZARRE UNSPOKEN ELEMENT AND ASPECT TO ANY RACE-OR-PLACES' SOCIETY. A for SOME WOMEN?
They still don't get it.
Men?
We will KILL EACH OTHER, over what a woman says.
WE WILL SLAUGHTER ENTIRE NATIONS AT TIMES.
Over a woman or women and THAT IS UNIVERSAL.
EVERYWHERE ON THIS PLANET EARTH, every RACE-N-PLACE, has at least ONE TIME IN THEIR EXISTENCE. Where they took up ARMS OVER WOMEN. Be it to PROTECT THE NATION. TO CONQUER ELSEWHERE. OR DIRECTLY BECAUSE THEIR WOMAN WAS UNDER DURESS OR TAKEN OR WHATEVER.
Sorry for all the caps because I've got so much I wanna type, but I'm pressed for time. I gotta get the rest of Book One edited since I'm no longer STRESSED over Amazon Kindle Deadlines or My Former Surrogate-Son coming-n-going and being pissed at me and dragging his negative aura-n-attitude up into my face instead of talking to me about what he's pissed about.
These blog posts? My Son and I will READ THEM TOGETHER. TECHNICALLY, I still have NO PARENTAL RIGHTS as His Father. Because My Ex-Wife STOLE THEM and of course, the White American Court System is set up to ALLOW FOR THAT. I? AIDED IN THAT, because I DID NOT KNOW ABOUT THE COURT DATE. But I DID KNOW THAT SOMEHOW? Nazi-America wouldn't "let me down". SOMEHOW, someway, she'd still be able to get away with lying, AGAIN. And then they'd give her the divorce without KNOWING OR CARING that she has a rap-sheet a mile long with DHS in Philadelphia. -_- So much for systems being integrated.
My point is that I was paying the child support LONG BEFORE it reached that MONSTROUS SIZE. But I could NEVER. EVER! See my son, and I was SUPPOSED TO BE ABLE TO DO THAT. I'd already ALLOWED MYSELF to get HIT with a 13-month restraining order, which I have only since end of last year found out. Is NOTHING MORE THAN THAT. The case itself was NOTHING MORE than a court case to see if she could GAIN A RESTRAINING ORDER. I of course thought it was worse than that, AS IF THAT WASN'T BAD ENOUGH! But after everything that had happened through the wonderful Nazi-American Court System with My Ex-Wife's daughter, I said I will fuckin EAT SHIT! Before I FUCKIN TRUST THESE WHITES AGAIN WITH ANOTHER CHILD. And for Stacey, she just DIDN'T GET IT AND DOESN'T GET IT!
I sat there LIKE A JACK-ASS! And LET MYSELF GET HIT WITH A RESTRAINING ORDER, BECAUSE MY EX-WIFE DID NOT, I REPEAT! DID NOT! HAVE TO PROVIDE PROOF OF WHETHER OR NOT SHE HONESTLY BOUGHT A HANDGUN! I wouldn't give My Ex-Wife A WATER GUN! LET ALONE A HANDGUN! And when MEN get KILLED BY WOMEN!?
We're just dead.
-_-
That's it.
There is no NATIONAL INITIATIVE.
Nobody is ROCKIN PINK AT NFL GAMES FOR US!
We're JUST. DEAD!
And My Ex-Wife is NUTTIER THAN A FRUITCAKE!
Stacey FEARS THIS WOMAN. As she should. Because the MERE MENTION OF STACEY when I was at that video court date for the child support!?
"STACEY!? WHO'S STACEY!? WHO IS STACEY!?"
Dan was there. It is ON VIDEO FOR THE COURT HERE. That judge was like, he had this LOOK on HIS FACE LIKE "Hmpf!? I guess this nigger was telling me the truth 10-years ago... This bitch is crazy. She just went from, he beat me. And trying to play the pity-me-poor-me routine. To WHO IS STACEY!? And demanding an answer." and YES SHE WAS DEMANDING AN ANSWER. Like "BITCH I SET THIS NIGGER UP SO NONE OF YA'LL WOULD GO NEAR HIS STUBBORN STUPID ASS! WAIT TILL I SEE YA! I'MMA GUT YOUR ASS LIKE A FISH!"
My Ex-Wife used to get into BAR FIGHTS WITH MEN! And NO. I am NOT FUCKIN KIDDING. She comes off like she's this nice prissy-bitch, SHE WILL CUT YOU! And I was like, uhhhh, damn. IIIIIIIIIII...? Wow. Yeah. I kinda... fucked this up. Mind you, some of you will be like, AY PUSSY-ASS MUTHAFUCKA, SHE HAD YOU HEMMED UP IN THE CORNER CRYING RIGHT!
-_-
No.
And that's what she loved about me. She knew that with all the SHIT I KNOW, I could fuckin KILL HER DEAD WITHOUT TOUCHING HER. Never mind that unlike Stacey, who met me when my body was AND STILL IS, all FUCKED UP! She used to sit and watch me practice Thai-Kickboxing for 3-hours straight and just ENJOY HERSELF. Watching me.
Bottom line is that I could have done what Stacey did. Fake My Marriage. Bullshit with it. Bullshit with Her. Let Our Son SEE US BULLSHIT ALL THE TIME. Then hope he DOESN'T SEE THROUGH OUR BULLSHIT. She terminated without prejudice the $60,708.26 on 02/18/14. She didn't come see me, she has all my information. She didn't call me. She didn't even say, here is where your STUPIDLY-STUBBORN FATHER LIVES. Lemme just DROP YOU OFF UPSTAIRS and you tell him to bring you back home on Sunday. Go spend time with his BROKE-ASS BLACK PHILOSOPHER SELF. And his ass is BROKE cause he won't SUBMIT TO WHITE PEOPLE. Noni must have gotten on my ass more than enough times when I was working for Whites "Just BE. QUIET. GOD! You don't have to question what so-n-so said! Just do what he told you to do!"
Then my dumb-ass, cuz you know I fuckin smuggled shit out so I could SHOW HER ASS, WHAT THE FUCK THEY FUCKIN JUST ASKED ME TO DO! And I'm like "LOOK AT THIS!? YOU'RE THE MATH-WIZ! YOU'RE THE ONE WORKING IN BUSINESS-FINANCE, LOOK AT THIS SHIT!?" sittin in the car, she's readin, readin, readin, re...?
"Oh shit?"
And I'm like;
Fuck.
Outta.
HERE!
Well I'm not gonna be like THOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSE FUCKIN FOOLS THAT RAISED ME. I'm kinda fucked up, BUT NOT THHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT, FUCKED UP.
And this is why I mentioned the Code of Conduct for Women and the fact that now that it has been TOTALLY ERODED. Shit goes south under the current climate? A woman can just DUMP EVERYTHING ON A MAN. And then fall down and start yellin-n-screamin AND IT'S A WRAP! It is a WRAP! Assumptions are made. Pitch-forks are pulled out! No THOUGHT. NO QUESTIONING. Just!? WHAT DID YOU DO!? GET'IM! And then the Benny Hill Music starts! And her ass can then sit there and peek between her fingers and say "Now nigga, see!? If you'd have just done what the fuck I said, then your ass wouldn't be fucki---wait? Hey!? HEY NOW!? I DON'T WANT YOU TO KILL'EM! I JESS WANT U 2 SLIGHTLY MAIM HIM! STOP! STOP IT YOU'RE FUCKIN KILLIN'IM!"
And in the end the woman always finds out that the "so-called power" she thought she had? It's not real. It's not real. It's a convenient PLOY being run FOR RIGHT NOW. Where undisciplined women are being told they can say whatever they want when they can't get their way and then everyone will come running and SUPPOSEDLY. Make things right for her. -_- Where all that ends up happening is the fact that? If she THOUGHT, shit was bad before? Now? SHIT IS FUCKED UP. And now she's looking at PRETTY MUCH a situation with Her Man that is now, NON-SALVAGEABLE. When My Ex-Wife showed Her Ass at the Video Court Date while I was sitting in the George W. Hill Prison? She fucked up. I didn't KNOW who the Judge was. I had NO CLUE. But because I'd been A MAN 10-years ago? When I told HIM. TO HIS FACE. WHILE ALREADY BEING IN HIS CONTEMPT COURT AS IT WAS "I WILL NOT PAY ANOTHER DIME! IF I CANNOT SEE MY SON! YOU SET THIS UP! NOW YOU FIX IT! OR NO MORE MONEY!"
And his White-ass was lookin like Niggggggggggggggggggaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!? I got thA FUCKIN!? LEMME SHOW U I GOT THE POWER NIGGER!;
And no, remove the curse words. And THAT. IS. What I said. If MORE OF US, stood up to Whites when it came to when Our Women decide to FOOLISHLY BELIEVE that Whites will EVER TAKE CARE OF THEM!? They wouldn't do what they are now doing. THAT IS A FACT! If I had MORE BLACKMEN IN THAT CELL WITH ME! FOR REFUSING TO PAY CHILD SUPPORT AFTER HAVING PAID AND SHOWN THEY WILL PAY! DO COOPERATE WITH COURT ORDERS AND THEN SHE THINKS SHE CAN FUCKIN BROADY BASTARDS CUZ THE WHITE COURT SYSTEM GONE DO BLAH-BLAH-BLAH, BITTTTTTTTTTTCH, stop it. JUST. Stop it.
White People HAVE ENOUGH ON THEIR PLATE WITH EACH OTHER, THEY AIN'T TAKIN CARE OF YOUR SILLY-NAIVE-PETTY-ASS! So when 10-years later I'm behind bars, where I DID. WHAT I SAID I'D DO. NO VISITATION? NO MORE MONEY! EVER! YOU TAKE CARE OF HER THEN! YOU DEAL WITH THE FOOLISHNESS! I'MA STAND, RIGHT OVER THERE TILL YOU TWO GET TIRED OF EACH OTHER! CUZ IT'S GONE HAPPEN, OHHHHHHHHH IT'S GONNA HAPPEN! I will choke you RIGHT THE FUCK OUT WITH YOUR OWN PETTY STUPIDITY!
That judge sitting there was like "I remember you!? I remember you." Cuz I DID NOT CHANGE MY POSITION. PERIOD. AND!? I went into EVEN MORE DETAIL, MEANWHILE!? He was like "I see you were making $5 and $10 payments and miscellaneous payments at different times over the last 10-years." and I told him "I TOLD YOU. You gave HER this order. YOU ENFORCE IT. You MAKE HER LET ME SEE MY SON." something where I KNOW HE COULD HAVE DONE THAT. He went on ahead and then when Noni started up with HER SHIT!? The look of DISGUST ON HIS FACE!? Never mind that if he remembered ME?! HE DAMN SURE REMEMBERED HER TRIFLING ASS;
"WHAT!? WHERE IS THE MONEY!? WHERE'S THE MONEY!? WHERE IS THE!? WHEN IS HE GONNA PAY!?" meanwhile SHE HAD AN ATTORNEY. And this Whitewoman was trying to SHUT HER THE FUCK UP! "WHERE IS THE MONEY!? MAKE HIM PAY!"
YO!? WHO LETS A FUCKIN PERSON SCREAM IN A COURT ROOM OVER CHILD SUPPORT WHERE A CHILD IS INVOLVED AND ITS CLEAR THE MOTHER IS FUCKIN!? CRAZY!
White People.
That's who.
They let her ass carry on and carry on and CARRY-ON! And it was because THEY DID NOT. CARE. Her Nigger-Behavior is the fuckin LOW STANDARD OF EXPECTATIONS THAT MOST WHITES HAVE NO PROBLEMS IN SEEING, OR GETTING FROM US, AS BLACK PEOPLE. Sorry. I cannot help you!
I will not help you.
Forgive me.
FORGIVE ME!
HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
God this post is long as shit. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, well. If you're still here you're still here. If not what am I gonna do, COME TO YOUR HOUSE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH, don't tempt me. All bullshit aside? It is through some sort of standards, Tariq Nasheed calls it a Code of Conduct. I've always called it Standards. Morals, Principles, whatever. Whatever you got? Stick to'em, AS LONG AS THEY ARE RIGHT MINDED. I shouldn't NEED, to add that. But, in these days and times, I have to. Lemme cut this post HERE. Then post the journal-entry, because I believe it is important and should be shared. Because I want US as Black People and those of you who are Non-Black reading. Girls can only grow up to be Women of Worth if they are honestly held to a Standard where WE NEED THEM TO GROW UP TO BE WOMEN OF WORTH. I told Stacey that I wanted a daughter. We would have had a daughter. And I wanted her name to have Zod in it. Just, work with me here, okay. So?
She agreed to my crazy demand, but her first name would be Drew or Dru. So her full name would have been Drew Zod Williams. Now of course Zod is the fictional villain character from Superman. But my REASONS for wanting HER NAME TO BE ZOD? Was because I was going to raise her to HONESTLY BE the type of woman I believe women should be. Women? I don't think too many of you understand, but? As men? Seriously? We will actually do just about anything ya'll want us to do, especially, ESPECIALLY WHEN WE HONESTLY LOVE YOU. That kind of POWER? Too many women don't know how to PROPERLY USE IT. I intended, to teach Our Daughter, EXACTLY WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A WOMAN AND THE POWER-N-INFLUENCE WOMEN HAVE ON MEN. It has been a long time since the World has seen a woman with REAL POWER AND AN UNDERSTANDING OF HERSELF AND THE WORLD AROUND HER.
Because Women aren't honestly being RAISED FROM GIRLS to KNOW AND UNDERSTAND THESE THINGS. For the skeptical of today, in no way does this make her a man. It isn't about teaching her how to be violent. I personally believe that ALL GIRLS, should be taught martial arts, as a form of self-defense. To HONESTLY EMPOWER THEM and give them options aside from always waiting for some boy or man to ALWAYS PROTECT THEM. Sometimes the cavalry isn't close by and she's gonna have to hold out on her own for a bit. We don't arm Our Women with this type of training so they can AT LEAST do that. These are the things that I mean. I wanted to teach her these things, I'd no doubt whatsoever that Stacey would have made sure to keep her feminine. A POWERFUL WOMAN WHO IS A LEADER? Causes the men IN PARTICULAR to seek women, wives. Girlfriends. Who have this woman's STRENGTH OF CHARACTER. They know they can go out and give everything and then come home to a woman who can be PROUD OF THEM. And that they're PROUD OF AND THANKFUL TO HAVE. Queen Nzinga of Angola was such a woman. The Candakes or Empress Candices of Nubia were women of this calibur. It is why the biggest joke running is that Blackwomen are unattractive. That Blackwomen in particular are unattractive to Whitemen. Nothing. And I mean nothing, is further from the truth. Whitemen have become accustomed to simply being able to take Blackwomen as they pleased, THIS. Is the real reason why Whitemen, especially in America, keep trying to front-n-pretend like Blackwomen aren't attractive to them, etc-etc. It's because NOW, even with things being what they are. Now? They have to WORK FOR IT. These are the things that Our Women in particular, are not being taught as Girls. How to READ... A LYING ASS MAN WHO DOESN'T WANT TO GIVE YOU THE RESPECT YOU'RE DUE. Because at one point he knows that his Father. His Grandfather. Great-Grandfather. And Great-Great-Great Grandfather, used to simply be able to pick-n-choose AT THEIR LEISURE. As many Blackwomen as they wanted. Much to the chagrin... of Whitewomen........
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