Now I'm gonna enjoy my LUNCH! I fucked up, but FUCK IT! I thought the transpasses were $21 but they're $24. I only had $22 in the account, SO!? NSF Overdraft charge of $36, which I'm NOT HAPPY ABOUT, but FUCK IT! After all of these goddamn hours!? I can cover it, but I just don't like losing money because of my own stupidity.
I'll be appearing and disappearing THROUGHOUT THE DAY AND NIGHT! Making post and FINISHING THE NEW DRAWING! I brought all of my markers and pens back with me. So I'm gonna GET IT DONE!
Meanwhile?
Stacey, you already KNOW you have a home. It's part of the reason why you're back here again. I tried to tell you long before we ever reached this point that fuckin around with Dave and listening to Cousin Alison, yo!? I was not in a relationship with your family or your friends or whomever. I was in the relationship WITH YOU. And YOU were in the relationship WITH ME. Once you kept on fiddling around with people who wouldn't have to deal with THE CONSEQUENCES OF OUR RELATIONSHIP ENDING!?
I told you. When it falls apart, THEY DON'T HAVE TO LIVE WITH IT.
WE DO, but ESPECIALLY YOU.
Because YOU KNEW that being with me was YOUR FIRST REAL RELATIONSHIP. And anyone reading this will know that you cannot be late-30's and you're JUST NOW having your first serious relationship.
You are the reason for your own unhappiness and that is YOUR CHOICE, because you wanna lay up in the bed and keep convincing yourself that you didn't do anything wrong, meanwhile? It doesn't matter how you slice it. You see even after 3 years, we spent EVERY DAY TOGETHER. PERIOD. And you're FEELING AND SEEING, ain't nobody else got time for that! So when you DEMONIZE ME, then have to deal with the massive GAPS where YOU AND I USED TO JUST SPEND TIME TOGETHER SHOOTING THE SHIT AND ENJOYING EACH OTHER'S COMPANY, yo? When you dissed me you dissed yourself and the same thing goes for when I diss YOU I diss MYSELF. BUT I UNDERSTAND THAT. And I'm not just typing and talking just to TYPE AND TALK AND LASH OUT. The reason why you are constantly in turmoil is because you NOW KNOW.
Fuckin around with Baby Dave Evans?
Shit wasn't worth it.
Now you gotta find a way to cover all of the things WE USED TO DO.
Where?
You're not as strong as I am and you know that.
Now?
You see that all the time we spent couldn't have been me doing it TO GET PUSSY.
Or whatever rationalizations you give yourself to try to get from one-day to the next.
And this is why I warned you.
I don't have to do anything.
REALITY.
Will handle your fast little ass.
And unlike you, look at that, I have THE FREEDOM TO TYPE ON HERE;
Yes, I saw your blog. Read your latest posts.
And why?
Because I was curious as to why you reappeared so quickly.
Gina thought you wouldn't reappear for about a month.
I honestly thought YOU'D NEVER REAPPEAR.
But she was like "Ya'll fucked each other up and you're joined at the hip now! No matter what SHE SAY. You upset and rightfully so, because she shoulda just stopped bullshittin. And been like, let's just go down there to Dave's. Accept the invitation. Enjoy that or whatever and then come home and chill, then I'll go back home. But she was trying to be greedy when she didn't need to and THAT'S WHY YOU'RE PISSED! I know why you pissed Shawn. Because you don't like the fact that she selfish like that. Meanwhile now? Look? I only know you from work, since you been working here, Shawn? You might LOOK EVIL? But you the nicest fuckin person where you are just REAL. Seriously, YOU KEEP IT 100 ALLLLLLLLLL THE TIME. And that shit is overwhelming and scary for her and I can tell looking at her picture here she loves that about you but she hate it too. Cuz she be on some ole fuckin around type-shit sometimes and she know you gone say something to her and the reality is, SHE NEEDS THAT SHIT. And she KNOWS IT."
You can sit on the steps for as long as you like, Stacey. But please stop acting like you don't already know that all you have to do is get up off your ass and come back inside. You already know the door is unlocked AND YOU HAVE A KEY. Never mind that you never ever told anyone;
You still have the keys to my old apartment.
With that TYPED?!
And stop stressing before you make yourself SICK.
It's been a long week. I'm gonna KICK BACK AND RELAX PEOPLES!
Wow Bro, so sorry you're still going through it with this. I pray things get better and you can be relieved of this mess.
ReplyDeleteLike I've said before, nobody who has actually been emotionally abused is going to just keep going back and going back when THEY THINK THEY CAN'T BE SPOTTED OR SEEN, because it is digital, virtual. Where no one can PHYSICALLY SPOT THEM and then say "Fuck is she doing sneaking over to so-n-so's house and spying through the window when she claims he did her so fuckin dirty and wrong?"
DeleteBut because this is the internet, then? She sneaks up on here to see what I'm saying and doing and it just isn't necessary. Just pick up the phone. Stop trying to be stubbornly stupid. Face your punishment LIKE A WOMAN SHOULD WHO KNOWS SHE'S FUCKED UP. And get it over with. Instead? This one keeps killing time and making up excuses while we're NOT SPRING CHICKENS.
I figure that she knows if she actually calls me and then we get back together she's gonna have A LOT, of people ON HER SIDE OF THE FENCE REALLY GLARING AT HER AND WHATEVER, however? They're not the ones miserable and alone FOR NO GOOD REASON. So for me it's just about letting her know that I'm NOT MOVING TO COME GET HER nor am I gonna go through "the motions" of calling so she act up and slam phones and all this mess and then finally "give up". So?
Things will stay where they are and time will continue to be wasted until ONCE AGAIN Reality will step in and then things will be OUT OF HER HANDS TO CHANGE. Thanks for the prayers, I can use them, especially in this line of work. Which may be why she came running back. She can bitch-n-moan about me all she wants, but if I get killed at work it's no different than what I said about if her illnesses kill her, at that point?
It's over. And all that's left are regrets that will never be resolved. THIS is why I am doing what I am doing. I don't like living with regrets, so I do MY BEST NOT TO. Have a good one!