Good.
Morning...
From Philadelphia....!
Well, it is another friday and WE have all made it to this day. I know I've posted on here repeatedly that I have new artwork done and story ideas and concepts, yet not posted one parcel or put up one iota of proof of any of that, well?
That ends today and that ends this weekend.
I have been wondering to myself why the fuck am I constantly running through my paychecks and why haven't I gotten back to that point, that place! That I was at when I was at the old apartment and budgeting one paycheck to pay for Myself and My Surrogate Son.
It finally dawned on me last night as I was walking to the supermarket that when WE first got the old apartment, it was MY IDEA in the first place AND I'd set things up so that at that time, I did NOT WANT TO BE FOUND BY NONI or the Whites in the Domestic Court System of Nazi-America. I'd been paying child support and then constantly been stiff-armed by Noni with the support of the Whites who supposedly care so fuckin much about the "Black American Family", as they follow the a-typical pattern of double-talk. Talk one way, do something totally different.
So I made my peace with the fact that this shit is going to have to be done the lonnnnnnnnnnnng way and the worst case scenario has now come to life. So? I was working, for starters, getting a better paycheck than the one I have right now. This didn't hit me until last night that when I finally decided I'd had enough of this bullshit and I'd need to actually make some really unfuckinwanted sacrifices if I needed for there to be a future for Myself and My Son, where!?
Sometimes you have to take a hit yourself in order to win whatever war you are in, on whatever level that you are at! And I saw fully realized in front of my face that Noni truly believed that the Nazi-American Government was going to be better at being there for Our Son and even for her, than I would be, so!?
-_-
I did what was least expected.
I let her go on ahead and follow through with that and I stopped fighting her over visitation and the like.
Since any Black Person with some sense knows that Whites will ultimately turn on them at some point or another, then it just becomes being in a position to be ready for the eventual swerve and then taking advantage of when they think THEY have the advantage! So I sunk all of my remaining money into the old apartment and then sat down and explained everything to both My Surrogate Son Dan and My Sworn-Brother Art. Neither were happy, because they both understood that what I was saying and doing is;
I am literally going to miss every once in a lifetime moment of My Child that I will never be able to have back, ever!
This, is the reality of when anyone of you or me engage in Personal Wars within Our Lives. Just like a standard war between nations it always comes down to how badly does that nation want to win. Why are the nations fighting. What does the victor gain. When can the war be won or when will it ever end, etc-etc-etc. For some people reading this you will reduce this to melodrama and overhyped words typed on a blog. For others it'll just be good reading and entertainment while for some of you?
You will know that what I have typed is the truth and reality of what it means to honestly understand the term; personal. business.
I budgeted Dan's income after I allowed my job to be lost. Which wasn't easy, because I knew back then that Dan was questionable in his commitments to being my surrogate son and he'd shown in the pass that he was insanely and unnecessarily jealous of me because he thought that my personality and ability to deal with life, is the way he should be. Something that Most of My Sworn-Brothers warned him about and was why Art and I eventually began calling him Shin-guhm Dan. QUICKLY, Prince Shin-Guhm was an actual Korean historical figure who was the son of King Kyun-Hyun of Latter Bekjae. So this is ACTUAL Korean history. Shin-Guhm however was NOT FIT to become the next king after his father THANKS TO HIS MOTHER CONSTANTLY CODDLING HIM.
As the War of Unification went on between Latter Bekjae and Koryo, Shin-Guhm's treachery and constant lust for power due to his position while NOT PRODUCING RESULTS, started to become a problem because it became impossible for anyone to avoid the fact that this man would either tank everything his father built or become a PUPPET to the lords of Bekjae once his father was gone! Shin-Guhm was good for talking a good game and not actually LISTENING TO GOOD COUNSEL no matter who it came from. Nor was he good at TAKING RESPONSIBILITY when he would KNOW that his moves are about to either fuck up or fuck something else up! Instead he would just continue to press forward and blunder his way through it even if he knew he really ought to give that shit up and just go the fuck back home or whatever and call it a day!
So for the record?
Especially for you, Stacey.
I was not splitting the apartment with Dan BY CHOICE.
It was STRICTLY BY NECESSITY where I ALREADY KNEW at some point in time he'd attempt to BETRAY ME. A willing risk I had to take in order to further MY OWN GOAL OF GETTING BACK TO MY REAL SON WHERE I NEEDED TO TEACH NONI THE LESSON THAT MANY FOOLISH BLACKWOMEN HERE HAVEN'T LEARNED YET;
Keep.
The Whites.
OUT OF YOUR FUCKIN PERSONAL BUSINESS!
AND YOU'LL BE ALL RIGHT!
Run to them for Child Support?
Run to them for Section 8?
Food Stamps?
Protection from Abuse?
Run to them INSTEAD OF YOUR OWN FAMILY.
Hmmmmmmm?
Whut, did I just shock you with that people.
You're supposed to be able TO RUN TO YOUR OWN FAMILY AND EVEN YOUR HUSBAND/EX-HUSBAND'S FAMILY, YOUR FRIENDS! You're supposed to be ABLE TO KEEP THINGS IN HOUSE! Which means Your Personal Business has to be IN ORDER! You have to ACTUALLY HAVE A FAMILY, FRIENDS, RELATIVES YOU CAN COUNT ON! A COMMUNITY! NEIGHBORS! NOT HOODS, NEIGHBORHOODS!
All of THIS HAS TO BE IN ORDER so that when Black Families HAVE PROBLEMS!
Then it is THE BLACK COMMUNITY THAT THEY TURN TO FOR HELP, FOR GUIDANCE, FOR SOLUTIONS AND FOR FIXING FAIRLY WHATEVER IS WRONG!
But when you turn to people who have ENSLAVED YOU at some point?
Burned down GENERATIONS of Your People's HARD WORK!
LURE YOU TO LEAVE YOUR COMMUNITIES AND JOBS!
SIMPLY SO THEY CAN THEN MOVE AWAY FROM YOU!
Now you're running to them ABOUT YOUR FAMILY-LIFE, YOUR MOST PRECIOUS AND CRITICAL PERSONAL BUSINESS THAT IS THE FOUNDATION OF WHATEVER YOUR RACE-N-PLACE IS!?!?!?!?
Well...?
You already know, what this next video is;
I realized last night as I was walking in the rain and enjoying it.
That it'd taken me 2 years to set up things in the old apartment where phone services were ungodly low! Even as I was among the very first to EVER get Verizon Fios in the Upper Darby area. The technician who ultimately came out two years ago when my services died, was utterly shocked to find that I still had THE ORIGINAL BOX for when Verizon started all of this bundling of phone, internet, etc! Where those boxes had proven to be DEFECTIVE and normally only lasted for 3 years tops!
The phone bill under Dan's name was a PATHETIC $150 which I was reminded last year when we finally parted ways "Sir? Does Your Son know that nobody in their right mind is going to let him or you ever have all of these channels and services at this price ever again! I have reviewed and reviewed and I have not found anything out of order. You LITERALLY haggled for years to get us to give you these rates and prices, DOES YOUR SON KNOW HOW HARD AND HOW RARE IT IS TO TALK A COMPANY OUT OF MONEY!?"
And the answer is NO.
Because he believed that anything I did.
He could do too.
Which of course, is not true.
It dawned on me last night that I had to work my ass off to GET THINGS where they were which ALLOWED ME to be able to have a relationship with you light-years later, Stacey, and not end up on the street. And that is the way it works. What price are you willing to pay to make things the way you either need them or want them and is the price, worth paying, for whatever reasons you have to have to pay for anything in the first place.
With all this typed.
It is 7:26am EST.
Time for me to head in to work.
I will see you all in 9+ hours;
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