1) The Fact that I left My Air Conditioners. And this fuckin heat is impeding my ability to be PRODUCTIVE. As you all know I already posted that I am going to get a new air conditioner and I've shown you what type and the fact that it is at Target. Ironically the Target I am thinking of is along Baltimore Pike where Stacey and I went there the last time I saw her, you. I've avoided the place like the plague because I don't need the memories made there.
Wayne let me know that there is a Target along Delaware Avenue and that the 64 bus will take me there. The lack of a car, is beginning to piss me off too. But I can only deal with so many financial issues and burdens without derailing my overall objective of getting My Son back. So? The car note is not a good idea and getting a good USED CAR will run me $5000 flat. I've been wandering around here and seen some used cars for up to $3000 for sale. But that's getting ahead of things....
2) Williams Works. As I type this I have literally just woken up and the temperature is starting to fall. I've been able to pass out more and more business cards for Williams Works and have even gotten and given some coupon-codes out to people that I want to read and review the limited eStories I have up right now. I have updates I need to do and sitting in this heat is hindering me. I've now gotten myself in order and have decided to move to Bluehost and leave Weebly. I'll knock that out end of this week, start of next week, once I get my paycheck.
3) What is My Son doing as I sit here and type this? And what exactly has Noni been telling him and teaching him. And what and how will I handle whatever she has done. If there is one thing that I constantly grapple with is the fact that I had to go this long way around dealing with what she's decided to do and while I have supposedly won the war, the fact that not being there for my son's growing up, is extremely costly and concerning on my part. It is something that constantly follows me throughout the day, as it should, because this was never how I wanted or needed to raise my son. I am grateful to be who I am and to have grown up and made the decisions I've made, because...?
I've encountered too many people throughout these last 10+ years who have blatantly said straight up and straight out that they would have either killed themselves or killed Noni for what she did and then having to carry the stigma of being a supposed woman-beater. Whereas for me, to me, I simply see it for what it is. And her for who she is. I made the choice to gamble in being with Noni and I have had to pay the cost of erroneously riding with her.
Whenever I have seen Noni in court, she was always looking guilty. Always looking nervous and frazzled, because she knew and knows. That for what she has done, she deserves death. And yes, you read that correctly and no I am not going to delete or remove it, because it is past due time that some of you women out there start cracking down on your female friends and family that you know engage in childish petty fuckery. In areas that a woman ought to know, you just don't do that. You just don't go into these types of areas with a man, where you know what you are doing is not only wrong, but?
You are pushing and mashing and intentionally jamming on buttons with Him, strictly out of petty spite and childish frustrations because he won't let you do what you want and have your way.
Living in this country, as a Black Person, is dangerous. And when you have a Black Child here, how you raise Your Black Child will be much more of a need to get it right. Because Our Position as a People is tentative at best and horrific at worse. I could run down the list of how things have come to be this way, but most of you know them already. The easiest way to some it up is that one cannot fight an external threat without internal stability. This is why the Whites and White-Jews and Arabs and Asians have no problems with exploiting our headless state of the moment. Where generations of Black Leaders have been murdered. Generations of talented Blacks have been lost, brainwashed, and killed. And we are now left with the talented among us having to hide, while the Non-Blacks try to prop up and put out the Niggers and Bitches as the representatives of who we are as Black People. Be it here in Nazi-America. Or back in My Ancestral Homeland of Africa.
Having a Black Child in these conditions, particularly a Black Boy, is dangerous. Because all Non-Blacks know that if rebellion and rebuilding is to be done by Our Race it will come from the males, even when the females are the Source of said reason for the males to rebel and rebuild. So when I think about My Son, I am aware that some of Our Number have completely lost their way. They encourage Black Boys to act gay and womanly. Overly indulgent in petty, childish shit, so that they appear to be of no threat to the Non-Blacks around Us. Noni of course knows this is in direct contrast to who I am. And having to sit and see how my son has developed and grown to this point without me and only with Noni's lying, unstable side of the family, to raise him. Where they accepted awards like "Most Improved Negro" while we were all growing up in the 80's. During a time when myself and the Black students of Our High School, OPENLY REFUSED TO PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE FLAG DURING OUR MANDATORY MONDAY SCHOOL FORUMS AND CHAPEL SERVICES.
An offense that enrages Whites immediately. And probably enrages some of you, White or otherwise, reading this. Feel free to be enraged. Feel free to feel outraged. And understand that this was why the person I was, was feared even by the teachers and staff and state troopers who understood that, I understood and still understand, that Death.
Is Death.
And when someone thinks that they can trample all over you and then expect you to show them loyalty, reverence!? While they laugh at you. While they think it is... funny. To interfere in your life and make a mockery out of your pain, because to them, it's funny. Until their teeth are on the floor and they are on their knees in shock. Because now they know how their mind-games feel when carried out physically on them. The joke, is no longer funny. When the butt of your abuse finally decides to remind you that as another human being, your life can be abruptly snatched away from you. The same way you sit behind desks and hide in meetings and snatch and influence Our Lives. All I need do...
Is find you.
And express my... displeasure. With your decisions to think you can fuck with me without consequences for yourself. I have and will always, accept the consequences of My Actions. Because that is the way that it works. That is the way I was raised, and it is something where I understand that battles are to be fought based on the reality of whether or not they are worth fighting and winnable in the first place. My Son, knows nothing of this, thanks to the fact that Noni was able to use the Whites, who had no interest whatsoever in doing their jobs. To lie. And separate Me from My Son. While knowing I am not nearly as recklessly stupid as some of you may believe from reading what I just dared to type and actually post. There is a thin line between bravery and stupidity. And I have told you all from day-1 that I know that the subject matter that I type about, talk about, has me on some sort of something, somewhere, in some server. Never mind that the exploits of My Brothers and I, even before we ever left from high school, we acknowledged that someone White, somewhere beyond Us, knows what we've done here. Because we had evidence of previous generations of Blackmen and Blackwomen, Black People. Being monitored. Watched. During lesser times of lesser technology, by Whites and their agencies, to be on the look out for Blacks like Us, who are not interested in being Non-Blacks, friends.
I needed to teach My Son, the proper way to deal with what this world has out here for him. And I have been denied that, because I could not trust that by telling the White Judge at the Domestic Court at Media County Courthouse, the truth of what happened and she'd do her job. And...? I wonder if you truly understand that, reader. To have to lie. To have to fall on the sword. And disgrace myself. Because I couldn't be sure that once I opened MY MOUTH, this useless. Old. Incompetent. White bitch, would simply do her job. When all the Whites prior to her, from the police who took my statement and stayed at Our House, a house that I'd told Noni it was not worth getting without having saved up Our Money so we could OUTRIGHT BUY THE HOUSE. Nothing is worse, than dealing with a fool who talks like they know what they are doing when they don't know shit. But people have bullshitted them along in life, and they've been able to get away with their incompetence. Until they meet me.
And now they have to be. Who they pretended to be. Even as I type this, I remember how it felt to have that State Trooper point his gun in my face, because he decided he wanted to fill his ticket quota and correctly surmised, if he didn't do a quick lookup on his computer and saw that my camaro was registered to a Black Person. And the sick thing is my experiences have shown me the depths that Whites in particular go to, to fuck with Us as Black People. The pettiness. The stupidity. Where they use their so-called authority, and willingly put themselves into a dangerous confrontation with a Black Person, under the false pretense that their so-called authority. Will allow them to get away with being corrupt and morally bankrupt. Being an asshole. And a bully. As My Son's Father, I needed to teach him what I learned, on how to read the situation faster than the White can dictate the situation they've created on purpose to try to trap and destroy him.
Most Blackwomen, don't look at things that way. Where the objective is to out-think and outsmart the asshole White who has decided to willfully create a dangerous situation for themselves and the Black Person they are trying to harass and bully. But with things having gone the way they did, I couldn't just tell the Judge during that restraining order hearing, not only what went on, but then, like I did to Noni's first Domestic Abuse Project Whitewomen-Feminist Fraud, proof. That is what I am constantly forced to deal with. The fact that I had PROOF OF MY INNOCENCE. But I could not gamble that it wouldn't put OUR SON into the hands of DHS. Where? They already FAILED ME IN THE PAST. And because I was DUMB ENOUGH TO TRUST WHITES, Iesha was raped by her foster families. Yet you play games with me, Stacey. You play games. And claim I didn't care about the death of a Kai-Li, when your own parents and family and friends, let you get horribly abused for nearly 30 years.
You play games and lie about me.
In areas where if you were a man I would have beaten you to death by now.
I do not like women who pretend to be motherly and loving, until it is time to BE, motherly and loving. I am more motherly, than you will ever be, Stacey. Which is the worst kind of disgrace that a woman of any race-n-place can suffer from. You expected me. To play along and ignore the FACT, that you were old enough to speak and did so. And those...? Things, you call, parents. Those, people, you call, family. Did nothing. And now a premature baby, has her life, in these same. Incompetent. Monsters, hands?
And once again my lack of money.
Lack of resources.
Had me having to listen to what I knew was someone, you, knowing, that your family is not to be trusted in matters like these. And you still brought up Kai-Li, while knowing that I was suffering from seasonal depression, just like every Christmas Holiday, separated from my son. Sitting up in some room, adding to the lie that Blackmen in Nazi-America are simply deadbeat fathers who care nothing about their children or their children's futures.
You couldn't wait till after you knew I would be able to handle what you were about to tell me. You refused to carry the burden of being sensitive to the fact that Your Man at that Time, was already bogged down with guilt and humiliation, over not even knowing whether My Own Son was alive or dead. Something that Noni told me just outside the courthouse years later, that Shawn suffered a seizure and when I stood up the fear in her eyes? I don't know who has told some of you women, that Fathers don't matter. That you can simply say and do, petty, silly, stupid shit, to us. Because your feelings are hurt. Women do not annihilate entire races. Create things, that end human life in an instant. And then think it is "cool". It is men who march forward and fight and die whether right or wrong, for better or for worse, for whatever it is that we believe in or whatever it is that WE, alongside Our Women, believe in.
Instead of addressing and correcting her mistakes, women are encouraged to simply keep trying to throw dirt on it and cover it up! Making the mess even bigger and badder than it already fuckin is. And we see now that men doing this kind of shit, subscribing to this kind of LaLa Land idiocy!? Turns them into undisciplined, gun-toting, emotionally unstable, threats! To anyone and everyone around them when their emotions go ungratified. And I cannot allow My Son, to join this dangerous and unstable growing group of idiots and assholes who ultimately end up lashing out without rhyme or reason and then being killed or killing others due to the fact that they were never told;
You can't just be an overly emotional, irrational, person.
You can't do it.
Because with no self-control, you can't contribute to anything except for your own downfall.
With no self-control, you can't properly know when to do what, your decision-making, is suspect at best. Horrendous at worst. And My Son can't afford that.
4) Is of course, you, Stacey. I honestly do wish you were more secure in what you decide to do when it actually matters. Because anybody can talk tough and type tough and type insightful, when they know they're not actually risking anything at all. I found these and I'm gonna post them;
note that this idiot doesn't know how to type the fuckin word Psycho! Moron.
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