Got to City Hall and the Sub WAS NOT RUNNING PROPERLY!
They left Us standing there for nearly a 1/2 hour without a word.
So when we got to AT&T Station I had 20 minutes to get in to work and I'd ALREADY MISSED THE SHUTTLEBUS!
SO!?
.....
I ran.
Wednesday's are normally the days that I TRY NOT TO DO ANYTHING STRENUOUS after working out.
Because I am not ignoring the fact that I am getting OLDER.
Not younger.
But yesterday I had no choice but to push myself.
Because I'd already been late on Tuesday, BY CHOICE.
Yesterday?
I was reminded of why being 45 years old with no car.
Is not cool and not good.
I thought about a lot of things while I was running.
Thought about the reasons why I keep passing up opportunities to meet new women especially.
And it was because of exactly what I was forced to do yesterday.
Having to run in to work.
Because I don't have a car.
Being at the mercy of public transit.
Where SEPTA couldn't even bother to let us know anything.
They just left all of us standing there and piling up and piling up and piling up.
What did they care.
They already got everyone's money.
And?
They're the only public transportation system in the city, so?
I thought about My Son.
I thought about Cyn's post about are Blackwomen responsible for the decline in the community.
I thought about the fact that I DID put up a Williams Works post.
And I realized that I was able to run.
Because I'd gotten off My Ass and GOTTEN BACK TO WHAT I AM SUPPOSED TO BE DOING.
I remembered how paranoid I was growing up after grandmom died from a heart attack.
Because she had all these stress related issues and then diabetes and all those insulin needles she used to have to take and then high blood pressure on top of it.
She was a BIG REASON WHY I'd always kept My Weight in check and kept My Health in order.
And while I was running everything started to come back to me.
I remembered Noni admitting when my health finally forced me to sit down with my doctor with Noni there and she openly admitted "I never liked how skinny you were. So...?" and she looked ashamed and guilty and the doctor just shook his head slowly and he had this look on his face like "Yet another woman meddling with Her Man's health because of something she wanted."
And Noni admitted "I made sure to fatten you up when your legs got messed up. I've always made sure to try to push you to get some meat on your bones."
And to remember that and the rest of her admissions as the doctor revealed to her that My Family's history of medical problems...?
There was a reason why I kept myself at 180lbs.
What made me smile as I was running was the fact that I'd told Noni all of this long before 2001, we'd been together for 9-years. And while I was running I couldn't help but look at the fact that Me telling Her about why I kept myself in such great shape and condition, was because of what this White Doctor was now confirming.
And that is when it hit Me for the last time, where I could not ignore it anymore.
This disgraceful Blackwoman only listens when someone White says something.
But she despises White People.
And yet and still I love her and married her anyway.
But it just doesn't work.
This lie that love will see things through and if two people love each other then they'll be all right.
No.
No, they won't.
Because at the end of the day who each person/s is or are, is what will determine what happens to Them in their relationship together.
Not.
The way that they FEEL about each other.
It is the Way that They ACT TOWARDS ONE ANOTHER.
The way that they TREAT one another.
It is strictly Their Actions & Who They Are, that will be the critical factors.
Nothing more.
And nothing less.
And it reinforced My Decision NOT to get involved with anyone right now.
And it helped me get to work faster.
I enjoyed seeing Nelba drive by at 3pm AND wave and smile.
And I said to myself "I get enough attention from women. So My Ego is fine. But the Reality is that My Finances, My Life? Is not where it NEEDS TO BE AND MUST BE."
And I got back to work on updating This drawing after Nelba continued her route and continued her work;
I'll finish updating it today.
But the main thing is for Me to keep building up Williams Works.
And to get My Son back.
And I let the Reality sink in that the reason why I had to run to work and that I am missing out on these women who have shown interest is because I DID NOT SECURE MYSELF FINANCIALLY WHEN I HAD THE OPPORTUNITIES.
Regardless of whatever reasons or excuses.
The Work.
Comes.
FIRST.
The Work.
Comes.
FIRST.
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