A Conversation with Security Guard-1

GOOD EVENING FROM NOT COONING IN PHILADELPHIA!

Just got in, long day! The WIP Event was covered. Got a chance to see the various Radio Personalities and the Sexy Shuttle Bus Driver and I got to wave and smile at each other all day where even the 1st Shift Guard was like "I think you should say something to her, because when she came around to pick up people and drop people off!? SHE WAS HONESTLY LOOKING IN HERE TO SEE IF YOU WERE IN HERE! SHE SAW ME, was like, NAH THAT AIN'T HIM AND TOTALLY IGNORED ME!" and then me and the 1st Shift Guard laughed about it!

But he was like "Like? Just talking to you for the last hour, you have an incredible head on your shoulders. You don't belong here." and I gave him a dry smile and he was like "What's wrong. I'm just saying, the things you just told me? I'ma put them to use soon as I leave here, it's just obvious that you don't belong as just a security guard."

And I told him "I've heard that phrase too much throughout my life 'I don't belong here'. Meaning I should be doing something bigger or greater and I've had my opportunities, but? There were strings attached where? I'd rather do without than be a traitor to My Own."

  He looked at me and he said "Is that why you won't talk to her?"
And I told him "I have a lot going on and quite frankly I'm not in a position to try to date a woman while I'm doing things like starting an eBusiness and I've got no experience at it. Getting My Son back, which has already taken up almost his entire life. And I'm in a room for rent to top it all off."
   And he said "Everything you just said? Tells me you're actually doing those things. You make it sound like you're a loser when what you just brought up, you're actually doing it and not just saying it. You don't sound like you think you deserve to be happy."
   And I told him "You're not supposed to be happy when you've failed as badly as I've done. First thing that I have to do is fix what I fucked up. THEN!? Then, I can actually be ABLE TO enjoy dating and be able to not have to look over my shoulder at can I afford this or I can't give her My Time because I'm spread too thin. There will be time for women later, after I get myself in order."
   And he countered with "Yeah, but probably not with the one who keeps going out of her way to acknowledge you while she's driving a shuttle bus. I think you're entirely too hard on yourself."
  "Maybe?" I told him "But? This is the price I pay for not having things in order."

We talked off-n-on today for nearly an hour-&-a-half and I gave him my business card. But I reminded him of the fact that dating a woman requires My Time. And mine is bogged down IN NECESSITIES. These aren't non-essentials. I DON'T KNOW this woman, I don't even know her name and she doesn't know mine, FOR ALL I KNOW SHE MIGHT JUST BE A NICE WOMAN LIKE THAT, but it's nothing more than simply waving.

He disagreed and pointed out again that when I'd left the area and she'd come back through she was ACTIVELY LOOKING FOR ME. And I appreciated that. I liked that. But like I said before. Dating a Woman requires Time. And My Time is all tied up right now in getting my life in order. But it does feel good to know that I'm at least still considered desirable. That's always nice. And? Once I get myself in order? Then I can actually BE WORTHY OF THAT DESIRE.