And I deserve better than that.
Any woman who will go and know that she has done wrong and knows what she needs to do to fix it.
But would rather keep lying and keep trying to convince herself that it's okay what she did.
While then claiming that God is going to now assume control over her life.
Where you're only running with that lie because you don't want to do anything yourself because you now have concrete proof that you don't know what you are doing and you no longer have any means to lie your way away from or out of that fact.
I'd like to say it irks me but what it really does is disappoints me to tenth degree, whatever the hell the tenth degree is. Instead of learning and growing, you're out here stalling and playing around and being phony and lying badly. And that's what disappoints me the most. The fact that you are trying to escape the inescapable and trying to now put the onus on God and Christ to fix the mess that you made of yourself with your own actions when you were told flat out by me;
Do not.
Do that.
I'm going to work, gonna hit this shower right now. Then leave and go to work and finish that drawing and then start my shift. I'll be the first to admit that even I'm shocked at how much this is bothering me. But I realize even in typing this that I expected better of you Stacey. And that is what bothers me. It is the fact that I expected better, but you already showed me, which is how this whole thing crashed and burned between you and I. That you are more concerned with trying to force your way into getting what you want for yourself, while working overtime to dodge any responsibility-accountability for your actions in doing so.
You want to be able to do whatever you want. Wherever you want. Whenever you want, with whomever you want. But when it fails you don't want to take any responsibility for what you willingly and intentionally went and did. Where you only did what you did because you were being recklessly impulsive. Then you don't want anyone to call you on the carpet about your behavior. Nor hold you accountable. And that is what stands out to me the most. Because your behavior is no different than a child that never grew up.
I still don't like the fact that you honestly believe that now it's time to try to bullshit God and pretend to be some sort of religious woman. And I'll be honest with you whomever is reading this, I was not expecting to be typing any of this when I left from work yesterday. I literally came home and was just sitting here getting myself in order and it literally hit me that something was going on, had gone on, with Stacey. And I bullshitted for over an hour just trying to get away from that feeling until I finally just sat down and started looking around online. Not sitting here bullshitting with you, I didn't understand why now of all times. Nor did I like that I couldn't focus on anything until I got this out of the way and then to see talk of "Handing things over to God?" and some other nonsense about giving everything to God, Wow. That's the best you could come up with, okay, well. Good luck with that Stacey. Good luck. But in September something clearly went down where you weren't looking for God and you put me in your circles on Google+.
And I made it clear when I put up that post Are you ready to come home now. I'm not interested in bullshitting with you. I'm not interested in baby-steps and silly-shit. There is NO ROOM NOR TIME, for pussyfooting around. Shit is deadly serious out here in the world and talking shit means absolutely nothing. And there is nothing to talk about. You went and disconnected a week later and did not return my phone call, yet?
You keep coming back here. Then last night? After seeing those pictures and the captions on Your Instagram, and note. I'm not typing vague and bullshitting I'm letting you and the reader know exactly what I saw and where I saw it at. And there is nothing to talk about. You look exhausted. For real. Ay, keep right on wrestling with reality and the reality of what you've done. To BOTH OF US AND YOURSELF. But reading that fake Christian crap, ugh. Just. No. You have totally given up. And now its all about God gone make a way and God gone provide for me what, no.
No.
You had that already when you were with me and you DECIDED TO LIE AND CHEAT AND PLAY WITH SOME MARRIED FOOL THAT YOU'D ALREADY TRIED TO MAKE THINGS WORK WITH BEFORE, so.
No.
God's not gonna give you anything except for more punishment till you AT LEAST, set things right with me for being a treasonous little tramp and then getting pissed because I cut you loose before you could skip ship or jump ship or flip ship or suck dick or whatever you were up to.
And understand something reader I am not angry, what I am is disappointed because as I have typed to you before there are women in this world who MUST BE LED. But fools tell them and THEY TELL THEMSELVES about WHAT THEY GONE DO AND HOW THEY GONE DO IT!
Then they sink their own ship and then wanna look around at everybody else, over a decision they made to TORPEDO THEIR OWN HAPPINESS WHEN THEY HAD IT. When I saw the pictures and lemme tell you something, something has REALLY HAPPENED HEAVILY WITH YOU STACEY. Because that instagram is no different than your blog it is a GHOST TOWN AND WASTELAND NOW. And the few posts that appear clearly show YOU ARE NOT. HAPPY. AT ALL. And you keep going back-n-forth with coming here and I'm not gone call. I'm not gone do nothin cuz I didn't do nuthin wrong and I'm not gone have him talk to me all kind of
Yo.
I warned you woman.
I warned you.
I warned you.
Now?
I'm going to work.
And yes, Stacey, I know by what you've posted that what I am SUPPOSED TO DO.
Is SWOOP IN AND CONFRONT YOU AND CALL AND
No.
I meant what I said.
You made this mess.
Clean.
It.
UP!
Otherwise My Dear, you will continue to suffer and NOT BECAUSE I SAY SO NOR WANT THAT FOR YOU BUT BECAUSE YOU KNOW;
What you did was wrong.
And clearly your attempt to FORGIVE YOURSELF DID NOT WORK.
Because the person YOU HURT WAS ME.
Not you.
Enough.
Lemme get my ass in gear!
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