Sitting here right now having a TEXT-CONVO with Middle Brother where he is checking up on Me in regard to My Ankle and the Fact that I continue to push forward. Of course with Youngest Brother's Death last month he just reminded Me that We're no longer at an age where We can simply ENDURE PAIN & BAD HEALTH.
He is right, however, I'm tired of this Bullshit.
Work must be finished and physical illnesses-&-ailments cannot be allowed to drag out this Fact any further than it already has.
My Posting stopped due to Me FOCUSING ON GETTING MY SLEEP-SCHEDULE BACK TO SOME KIND OF SANITY. And "in a way", I've done that. I've been able to get some serious WE3-TYPING WORK DONE since My Last Post here on Wednesday, but to DO SO has tied into the still unsettled NEW sleep-cycle I've forced Myself onto. And if You are wondering why I haven't taken any sleep aids or supplements to help Me sleep.
I cannot, due to the Fact that I suffer from sleep-paralysis already. It is a condition where a person has problems STAYING IN REM-sleep, where their brain becomes active enough so that the Rapid Eye Movement ACTUALLY ALLOWS THEM TO SEE THE WORLD AROUND THEM WHEN THEY'D SUPPOSED TO BE IN REM-SLEEP.
-_-
It's NOT a pleasant experience, BUT if You can MAINTAIN YOUR COMPOSURE IT CAN BE USEFUL.
And Yes.
I typed that.
Because during all of this YOU EXPERIENCE A DROWNING SENSATION where YOU HAVE TO REMAIN CALM OR ELSE YOU CAN GIVE YOURSELF A PANIC-ATTACK, because while YOU CAN SEE THE WORLD AROUND YOUR BODY...?
You CANNOT MOVE.
So if You are WONDERING how I am ENDURING ALL OF THESE SPINAL-PROBLEMS, it is BECAUSE I GREW UP HAVING TO ENDURE SLEEP-PARALYSIS. So not being able to get My Spine to work OR EXPERIENCING PAIN FROM TRYING TO FORCE MY SPINE TO WORK, is, UNFORTUNATELY, a Tuesday's worth of sleep, or lack thereof.
You also can't COMMUNICATE, normally.
It took Me almost a decade growing up to be able to COMMUNICATE with people around Me whenever I got STUCK in sleep-paralysis, WHERE THERE IS ANOTHER ISSUE, which is being UNABLE TO TRANSITION OVER CORRECTLY FROM SLEEPING TO WAKING, where once again REM-SLEEP doesn't function correctly and NEITHER DOES MY BRAIN & BODY when I get STUCK like that in sleep-paralysis, SO once again, IF YOU ARE ALSO WONDERING WHERE ALL OF MY PATIENCE COMES FROM, this is A CRITICAL COMPONENT THAT CAUSED ME BECOME A PATIENT PERSON.
Because of course while stuck like this, everything else, PARTICULARLY HEART-RATE, functions normally.
So FREAKING OUT from the drowning sensation & then TRYING TO FORCE MY BODY TO MOVE IS NOT, a good idea, TO SAY THE LEAST.
One of My Oldest Sworn MIDDLE-BROTHERS told a few people long ago when We were in high school when they kept trying to get Me to slap-box with them that it wasn't a good idea. Because of all of the extracurricular-crap that I go through on a daily-&-nightly basis.
Mind You, I KNOW HOW I DEVELOPED THIS PROBLEM.
And the Person responsible is aware of the Fact that They caused this with Their Behavior.
Either way, this is why I don't take kindly to being lied upon and having anyone claim I did or do something erratic, random, or emotionally-driven.
Because those types of things don't and didn't aid in me in mastering my sleep-paralysis and learning how to live with it.
Either way, Meds are not an option, and with all of the shit going on it's probably a good thing that I'm not taking Them.
It's 5pm EST.
I'm gonna call it a Night, so I can see whether or not what work I HAVE DONE with this current sleep-cycle, is worth it.
So far, based on the last two days of SPECIFIC WE3-WORK I was able to get done, IT HAS BEEN, but...?
By the Time I wake up in the Morning I need to head out and by the Time I get back I need to sleep. Which is why there were no posts till right now. I'll figure it out and go from there....
Good.
Night.
From Philadelphia....
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