As I stated in previous post. I was about to lose all of my Verizon services, due to not making enough money to pay them. The reality is that I still have certain, what would be called "bad habits", for today's Nazi-American times. And particularly, for me as a Blackman who has no interest nor desire to be ONE with the New Age of Niggers.
While I was at work last night and having to deal with the fact that I am STRICTLY IN these dire straits due to POOR DECISIONS ON MY PART. And placing past relationships HIGHER THAN I SHOULD HAVE. Such as my former surrogate son and former fiancee, when I was able to see and understand that they were hedging THEIR BETS HARD, on themselves. While talking as if we shared a common mutual goal as a family. It is something that my sworn siblings have been completely candid with me about where each of them has pointed out that everyone CANNOT BE a part of Our Family. Because OUR FAMILY, is not DIRECTLY CONNECTED BY BLOOD.
We are connected by MUTUAL EXPERIENCES, where we honestly had our lives and futures on the line and failure would mean the end of both. It is hard enough SOMETIMES, to have strong bonds with actual BLOOD RELATIVES. But to form family bonds with people who share NO BLOOD OF YOURS AND YOU NONE OF THEIRS?
My sworn-brothers and sister have really been there for me, along with My Mother and Sister. Where all of them have told me that much has changed since I practically went into hermitage to literally force the Nazi-American domestic court system to have to sustain its stance that My Ex-Wife was right and wouldn't dream of lying in court, on record. And of course, being a Blackman, I must be whatever scum she says or said.
I do not sit here and type fantasies and adventures to charm and entertain or gossip and bullshit. Like too many who can be keyboard warriors and tell tales of a life that they have never lived and adventures and misadventures that they've never gone on. It was My Oldest Sworn-Brother who pointed out that for people like My Former Surrogate Son and Former Fiancee "They dream of being courageous enough to do what they feel is right. But you actually do it and have done it! And I've been there to see how that affects people. And people like them, they're posers. They're inherently cowards who cling to whatever is hot for the moment. They want to be better than what they are, more than what they are. But they don't have the courage to even be who they are now. So it's not possible to be the person they see in their own imagination. BUT!? When they're around you? You give them a sense of purpose. A sense of direction. And something that they know is worth fighting for and being around."
And I thought he was going to say something profound and deep after he'd said all of that, but what he said next was "You. Simply being YOURSELF. Gives them the courage to AT LEAST TRY TO BE A BETTER PERSON." and I didn't really know how to react to that. Because I don't have the great money or power or fame or fortune, that he has seen first hand, I could have had. And to an extent, still COULD HAVE. If I was willing to sellout. If I was willing to settle... in the worst ways. The Stephan A. Smith ways.
The Charles Barkley ways.
The Charlie Rangel ways.
God knows I am NOT PERFECT. And so do you. YOU KNOW from reading this blog, that I am NOT PERFECT. But I also know I am not perfect because I know it is a WASTE OF TIME TO TRY TO BE, PERFECT AS A PERSON. I can STRIVE for PERFECTION, in certain areas I might add. But it is AN IDEAL, that honestly cannot be reached due to the sheer preprogrammed nature of who we all are as human beings. And last night I was really pissed at myself for being in jeopardy of having my services cut off. Of working but not making enough money, which means I can't get an attorney and get my parental rights back and get My Son back. Upset, that I generate ENOUGH VIEWS AND VISITS for Williams Works. But not enough MONEY FROM SALES TO SUSTAIN MYSELF.
Frustrated.
Because I can generate literal 1,000 day pageviews of this blog.
But can't generate revenue from it or figure it out correctly.
And for the record? I went to local Black businesses and tried to set up advertising with them to exchange them advertising for me in the real world while I advertise for them through this blogsite. The fear? When they read my postings here? The FEAR, that they would lose business with Whites WHO DO NOT FREQUENT THEIR SHOPS ANYWAY, brought back the memories of how mine and my sworn-brothers parents reacted. When they found out what was going on in Our High School, and the fact that we'd actually taken it over in response to the bigotry. Where unlike them?
We weren't interested in talking anything out.
Or figuring out "why this was happening" or "had happened".
Last night while I was at work I was so angry that I could barely see straight. And that was when some of the local niggers, drug-dealers, decided to drop by. And flaunt the fact that they were doing QUITE WELL with their nigger-traitor asses. And thought it was funny to make fun of me for going the "long way". The "dumb way". They enjoyed flippin through their rolls and wads of money, where each 20 and 100 was somebody's life that they'd just helped ruin and destroy. And they had not one fuckin ounce of remorse. Regret. Concern. Nothing. Because when they were standing there. Looking at me, they knew that I was pissed and angry because I'm fighting an uphill battle where these fools are SEEMINGLY, COASTING ALONG FINE.
"Yo-yo-yo, OLD HEAD!? YOU NEED A LOAN!? I HOOK YOU UP, MAN!"
I know why Young Blackmen don't care about their lives or anyone else. It is because as Black Americans we have stopped building anything for them to have to take responsibility for and keep going forward with. They have businesses to inherit. No COMMUNITIES with structure and discipline where YOU CAN SEE IT. When you walk around YOU CAN SEE IT! TOUCH IT! They have NOTHING. SEE NOTHING. So they ACT like NOTHING.
One of them was old enough to know and told them "Yo, that's enough. Cuz old head lookin like he about to fuckin murder your dumb ass and not give a fuck." and they left after laughing in my face some more. And I had to take a break. I had to step away and get control over myself, because regardless of how wrong those assholes were, shit was embarrassing! And humiliating. At least...? That was how I INITIALLY FELT. That was how I INITIALLY. FELT. I was ready to snap. And the first person I wanted to take a pound of flesh from was my boss, because he kept fuckin with my hours. Because I was WORKING. And was being GROSSLY UNDERPAID. Not just UNDERPAID. I am being GROSSLY. UNDERPAID.
But if I get my 40hrs, then I can meet my responsibilities.
And that's what was REALLY EATING AT ME. That's what was really fuckin frustrating me. And I kept stewing and stewing and stewing, because those fuckin nigger-traitors had the fuckin NERVE TO ACTUALLY CLOWN ME AT WORK! And I'm making ALL OF THIS MONEY FOR SOMEONE ELSE AND CAN'T EVEN GET FUCKIN HOURS!
Till I realized that being angry. Isn't going to solve anything. Misdirected anger? Is the WORST. It is something that causes more fatal damage than anything anyone can honestly imagine. And once that misdirected anger is RELEASED!? Then a person RETURNS TO NORMAL. But if that anger has been RELEASED IN THE WRONG WAY?
At the wrong person.
At the wrong time?
In the wrong place?
I realized as I was standing there BEING ANGRY. That BEING ANGRY, wasn't going to solve, ANYTHING. So? I put that anger into my work. And I focused on the fact that I already know what is going to happen to those fools who'd clowned me. And I remembered that, Life? Is a thinking man's game. And handling one's emotions and stress in the critical moments of Life is really what shows and determines YOUR WORTH, AS A HUMAN BEING. I focused on the fact that I've survived way worse than this. And with FAR LESS TOOLS TO WORK WITH. So I simply got down to work and looked back on the fact that over THIS MONTH IN PARTICULAR? I intensified my attempts to find a new job. Even almost walking straight into what could have been some sort of Craig's List-type set up. Where I cannot thank my sworn-brother Art enough for reminding me and STOPPING ME from going out to the middle of no place. Where who knows what could have happened to me.
When I looked back on the fact that I have GENUINELY EXHAUSTED EVERY AVENUE TO FIND NEW WORK. For better or for worse, I was able to understand that I wasn't just SITTING AROUND. LETTING THINGS GO DOWN THE CRAPPER. I have typed over 24,000 words FOR A FREE STORY. And literally gone 24hrs on a number of days WITHOUT SLEEP. Including when I went to the job interviews on friday the 23rd. Where my mother gave me a lift out to the area and was utterly shocked when I told her I hadn't been to sleep yet, because she couldn't tell. And neither could the employment agency.
I COULD HAVE started a new job last week on friday. I COULD HAVE LIED and said I had a car. Used my mother to get to the job site and then FIGURED IT OUT, on how I'd be able to make it to work everyday from then on. I COULD HAVE DONE THAT. But I didn't. Because I wasn't going to lie about something where I already knew I didn't have the means to sustain the job in the first place.
I went to bed last night, thinking that I was going to wake up and my services would be shut off. But I woke up automatically at 9am. And I let instincts take over, where my instincts said, exhaust all options idiot. So I sat down. Read through the suspension paperwork from top to bottom. And found in IT, the answer that I needed. I called Verizon. And realized that the fact that I'd persevered and pushed forward at work weeks ago. While RESPECTFULLY. Making it clear I needed hours. And then working with certain managers who loved the fact that I come in. And I work. And that's pretty much all I do. I interact with my coworkers, in a positive manner. And? Customers honestly enjoy the fact that I actually provide customer service FOR THEM. Not just, how can I get money out of them.
Because I was willing to THINK before I opened my fool-ass mouth, I'd been able to cobble together enough hours weeks ago to allow me to be able to pay for the suspension notice amount. The Verizon rep talked about the fact that "You've been whittling down the new service amount and ongoing bill CONSISTENTLY! I've never seen someone able to navigate the payment arrangement plans the way you have on accounts in this day and age, sir." and that is when I realized that I was talking to a representative from My Age-Set, where I realized that this entire time I'd been using my knowledge of how things USED TO BE. To keep the current system of today from undercutting me. I will be able to pay the entirety of the shut off notice on friday. And he asked me "Your next due date is coming up, do you want to make payment arrangements for that now?"
And I told him "No. Because I don't want to commit to something and then not keep it. I had to be reminded by some fools and family that it's, one step at a time....."
Good Morning, from Upper Darby.....
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