Now? It was 7am in the morning when myself and this South African instigator spoke. So as you can see I initially wasn't going to post this and its been sitting since then. I DECIDED to POST IT. We talked for a little bit and I ended up telling him "So you are looking to instigate?" and he said "No. I am saying why if she's been dormant would THIS be the first thing she posts after being gone for months. I'm saying that YOU'RE RIGHT SHE IS READING YOUR BLOG!"
Lemme be clear. I went to my email and read OUT LOUD while on the phone with this fool, what Stacey had posted. To be honest? I was angry at first because it reeked of phoniness, then? Annoyed. Then? The whole thing just seemed...? Like this;
But this person kept pointing out that they think this post she just did means "YOU REVEALED THAT YOU INTENTIONALLY PUSHED HER TO DAVE! THEN THIS POST IS HER FIRST POST IN MONTHS ON HER BIRTHDAY!? AND SHE'S TAKING POTSHOTS AT YOU WHILE CLAIMING EVERYTHING IS FINE!?"
I finally told them "Look? I've read it. I'm not posting anything to her blog, because troublemakers like her have to be approached directly so they finally sit down and shut up. Or? I'd have to reveal every sordid detail where her only concern is her image. That's what caused her to run away crying last time, because I revealed a FRACTION of the truth of the bullshitter she is. Her Image is everything to her. Nothing more, nothing less. While I know I shouldn't even be entertaining you like this. Fine. I'm gonna post it TO MY BLOG. But? I still have typing to do and in all honesty? She's just trying to stab at me because she's embarrassed over what happened in July and she's trying to pretend like she's some victim spreading empowerment to her readers and women. This is why her family never supports her. Because they don't know when she's telling the truth and when she's not. Mind you!? THEY are the ones who turned her into the mess she is, so?" I reread everything and finished up with "All this post is, is her attempt to go back to her old coping-mechanism and clearly it isn't working. And I warned her of that from the beginning. It's hard to go back to being blissfully ignorant once the self-imposed illusions you set for yourself have been shattered. I gave her fair warning, she didn't listen. And now she's stuck. So this is the best she can do to make herself feel like she's worth something."
He hung up, I hung up. And in the following post you will first note that HER POST...? Looks like MY POSTS. It's annoyingly-bizarre to see her complaining while she then blatantly uses My Style of Writing that I TAUGHT HER. And that's another reason why I am posting this. Because she keeps telling anyone who will listen I did all this HORRIFIC SHIT TO HER. But then HER MANNERISMS ARE ALL MIMICS OF ME FROM OUR TIME TOGETHER! As for her reading my blogsite? Yes. She would do that, SHE IS DOING THAT. Because she is a massive super-submissive masochist!
[mas-uh-kist]
1.
or other gratification depends on one's suffering physical pain or humiliation.
2.
a person who is gratified by pain, degradation, etc., that is self-imposed or imposed by others.
3.
a person who finds pleasure in self-denial, submissiveness, etc.
Being selfish, greedy, and unfortunately, petty. Doesn't help matters, because she likes for HER FETISHES AND FANTASIES AND WANTS AND NEEDS TO BE MET AS CLOSE TO PERFECT AS POSSIBLE. However? She will willfully NEGLECT YOURS if given the room to do so. All of this stems from the fact that she refused to divorce her Now Ex-Husband before I ever met her. Never mind prior to that some horrible things happened to her where she flat out lied to cover up how badly she'd been treated all the way around, by too many people. I will be the first to say that I WISH she would have gotten divorced or that whatever that mess is between Her and Dave was or is truly worth something. The reality is though that she does not even begin to tell Her Blog Readers the truth about what she'd been through and PUT HERSELF THROUGH. Where even when I finally realized the depths of how badly she'd been fucked over and fucked herself over just to remain "part of Her Family".
A part of me knew that she was too far gone psychologically. I don't like her parents. At all. I really don't. And Stacey's behavior in Our Relationship would have been different if they'd have taken her aside and simply done some sort of parenting when she was younger. When MY MOTHER, with all the things that have happened BETWEEN US? Has done a better job THAN BOTH YOUR PARENTS? Now you fucked up. Now you fucked up. My Mother has her faults, but she never raised me to be so desperate and delusional to willfully put up with her bullshit. Even when she herself knew she was saying or doing something fucked up towards me. This is why I do get angry when I'm reminded of the lying. Stacey's lying, it just doesn't work out in the end. It was painful and typing this brings back memories where she just couldn't understand how her family could be so callous towards her. Ironically? It was and probably still is, because she doesn't recognize nor want to recognize the damage that Apartheid did to her family, too. TBA talks about it regarding Our People here in Nazi-America and I have criticized myself for trying to go along to get along. Once you start doing that? You pick up bad habits and have to give up things like telling the truth. Having pride, dignity. Speaking openly and honestly about what is going on and then standing up to it? It requires courage and an acceptance of the fact that you may lose your life. But if you say and do nothing, then? What example are you setting for your children and what exactly are you show-n-telling them? As for Stacey? Her still trying to lash out at me and claim how great things are now? I know why she's doing it. Safer to lash out at me. Because she saw first hand confronting anyone around her? They could care less. Never mind that they are directly in front of her and around her, so there is no type and post and then you never have to see this person unless they fly over to South Africa.
So I get it and understand it. And please, bear in mind, I am typing all of this to get it off of my chest and for transparency's sake. In the End? My SON. And I, will sit down, and I will let him read all of these blogposts from start to whatever present-day it is we're at. And I will answer him openly and honestly. And we will talk, about everything here, all of it. Every post. Every article. Why did I use these pictures here. Why these videos there. Everything contained on this blog is deliberately thought out on my part. And it is all meant to help me pass on my wisdom and experience to Him and explain to Him how and why I did all of this.
As far as the whole Stacey vs. Chiaki situation. When I realized my mistake I was stubborn at first and didn't want to let go of having Chiaki as My Muse. But regardless of that when I saw how much it was hurting Stacey, I let it go. Stacey of course started trying to exploit my mistake where I couldn't tell if she was trying to get a rise out of me or was she serious when she started complaining about me using Her Jealousy over a Japanese woman I honestly never met or knew!? To get both of us off, where it allowed ME to enjoy myself too, because I love catfights. And I've already shared that with all of you before and Stacey knew this in advance. So FOR ME!? A fantasy of two women I loved fighting over me, what man doesn't have that one? However in this fantasy, one of the women, Chiaki, WASN'T REAL AT ALL.
I didn't know nor have I ever met her. I did find out that she'd come up onto the fanboard I was a part of and used fake log-on's to talk and lurk every once in a while. But at no time did I ever send her PM''s (Private Messages) nor did she ever send me PM's. She speaks Japanese and said in her interviews when she was active that her English is horrible. So fetishes and fantasies aside, I wasn't gonna lose My REAL WOMAN at that time. To my own fetishes and fantasies, that's just DUMB! However!? My BIGGER PROBLEM WAS that Chiaki had served as a muse for my writing at that point. I initially was reluctant to detach myself IN THIS AREA. Because I knew it would AFFECT MY ABILITY TO WRITE. As you all know, My Son is being held hostage by My Ex-Wife. And in all honesty I fucked up by deciding to go deeper down the rabbit-hole with Stacey. Instead of stick with the fact that maintaining My Muse and the FASTEST AND BEST WAY FOR ME TO WRITE AND TYPE AT THAT TIME?!
Was also the straightest and fastest line to get back to My Son. Again, this was a mistake that honestly has nothing to do with Stacey, yet has everything to do with Stacey. I should have simply said I have to move on. Because My Son SHOULD HAVE COME FIRST! And this was a MAJOR FUCK-UP on MY PART. I had long talks with Myself on why I made the choice to Put Stacey FIRST, over My Own Son. And there isn't anything to talk about, I thought I knew Stacey. Period. I thought this was just a bump in the road. Things'll level out and then return to normal like when we were friends. But being friends with Her and being in A RELATIONSHIP WITH HER? The person she presents herself as on Her Blog, is the Coloured Woman I met and became friends with and got accustomed to. That is the woman I fell in love with. But that isn't who she is nor is that HOW HER LIFE IS, NOR DOES SHE LIVE HER LIFE THAT WAY.
I've made it no secret that I've been on this journey since 2002. By the time Stacey and I became more than friends it was 2009. I have seen how father's separated from children, by any means, end up abandoning their children. Because it is painful. Humiliating and lonely. Especially if you have any kind of love and integrity at all for Your Child, Your Children. The pain of being separated from Your Child is often times dismissed for men, regardless of race-n-place. Having befriended Stacey prior to being anything more, I enjoyed being able to just talk and bullshit and move on. And when I say talk, it wasn't about My Son. She figured early on how seriously I took that and take it, this is another reason why it really is disappointing to me to see how she ended up being in the end. It is also why we clashed OVER HER OWN CHILDREN. Because she just didn't have that same UNDERSTANDING that she should be GRATEFUL to have Her Children. Which was part of the reason why I was careful because I saw that My Own Situation could easily bleed over into Me looking at Her with Her Kids and then trying to ADDRESS MY OWN MISSING CHILD ISSUES, THROUGH HER.
So I only spoke WHEN SPOKEN TO. I helped WHEN NEEDED OR I COULD. And I spoke up, ONLY WHEN I KNEW I NEEDED TO SPEAK UP. Now? I don't think I've ever been THIS CANDID with any of you. But for me to type this, THIS WAY? I would HOPE IT SHOWS THAT I HONESTLY THOUGHT ABOUT WHAT TO DO AND HOW TO HANDLE THIS AND DIDN'T JUST BULL RUSH AND MEDDLE, with the relationship between Her and Her Children. However I've seen that Stacey will try to infer and insinuate otherwise, but she knows this is an EXTREMELY TOUCHY SUBJECT WITH ME. And it is one where I've not gone into a tenth of the foolishness she ended up revealing to me, where, again? This was NOT the woman and is not the woman, she presents herself as. And the frightening thing was the callousness of Her Ex-Husband, then the way she would just willfully roll over and just let whatever happened, happen. And if asked, she'll try to lie or be vague, but the reality is that the consistent thing about cowards, liars, and failures, is;
If they think you DON'T KNOW how they actually performed when it was crunch time, then they will lie without worry. And lie without conscience. Because as long as you weren't there, then how will you know that they cannot handle pressure. This is a critical missing piece that if you look on Stacey's blog, she will never acknowledge My Biological Son or the fact that she was always aware that I was fighting to get Him back. And she did little to nothing to help once she found out that I did not and still don't, like hearing empty promises or words from people where I can hear it in their voice. See it in their eyes, they don't know how to address this with me AND I don't wanna hear bullshit from them. It is a rightfully touchy subject. However!? Helping me ACCOMPLISH MY GOALS. Putting Your Head down or rolling up Your Sleeves and simply SUPPORTING ME AND KEEPIN IT BRIEF? "Lemme help you get Your Son back, Shawn?" then say or do something that is TANGIBLE, a TANGIBLE RESULT? COOL. But don't try to use My Son as some Make YOURSELF Feel Better Card at MY EXPENSE. And for all I know, this may actually be what is eating at Stacey. I don't know. What I do know is that I told her that if I detach myself from everything that has anything to do with Chiaki? Then my writing will suffer and I'll need to RE-ADJUST, so my work is back up to publishing-worthy par. Again? She was told all of this, knew all of it, in advance. And really could care less. I'd find out later on up the road why this was and in all honesty I've actually already told you something where I'd missed it and forgotten about it. Till things would take a bizarre turn that was my final piece to the puzzle on who Stacey is.....
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