190/129 was my blood pressure 3-years ago when I was forced to have to go to the local hospital. Tonight? Or last night, in all honesty, YESTERDAY? I took my blood pressure with my blood pressure machine after having been bedridden since Monday Night May 4th. Having not done any of my DDP-Yoga Lessons and having suffered through some hellacious cold-&-flu symptoms, I'm not even gonna lie?
I swore when I finally sat down to take my blood pressure reading today that I was gonna be at some outrageous number like 144/85, where its still high, but the lower number is only 5-points off of acceptable. I do not regard the shitty new-standards of what constitutes "acceptable blood pressure BY TODAY'S NAZI-AMERICAN STANDARD". Because I already know that much of what is being done now is For Profit and has little to no real benefit for the average Nazi-American no matter what race or caste-class you're a part of.
So I sat down and did my blood pressure reading, this Omron Blood Pressure Device has worked very well for me since I picked it up 2-years ago. Where? As you can see, I still waited 2-years to buy the proper equipment so I could at least correctly track where my blood pressure is. I was still stuck on stupid and still involved with Stacey at the time and was still wishing and dreaming for things to be the way they should have been between us, without REALLY LOOKING AT THE FACT THAT;
I could die.
That is sobering just to type. Because it shows me why I finally got my head on straight and got back to reality and looked at the fact that I am here and she was there and if something did happen to me? What exactly could she have done anyway? -_- Then it led me to realize that;
Why exactly isn't she here anyway?
What am I doing wrong, and why?
What is she doing wrong, and why?
What are we doing wrong, and why?
Is this the way I want things?
Is this the way I NEED things?
Is this the way she wants things?
Is this the way she NEEDS things?
Is this the way WE want things?
Is this the way WE NEED THINGS?
When I was laying up in that hospital under observation, where I am NOT GONNA LIE. The doctor's clinic that had me sent to the hospital? I remember how the Lady Doctor was looking at me like "Okay...? Why the fuck isn't this giant Black-Bastard dead yet?" and I knew by her stunned look at my blood pressure readings, where she said, lemme take it again...?
-_-
It was HIGHER than the 190/129. And she looked at me and said "And you're not in ANY PAIN?"
And I told her "I have a high tolerance for pain and I grew up learning Thai Kickboxing because of it. I stopped because I didn't like the fact that I enjoyed it too much, but knew that the only way I could push forward to be able to use it would be by becoming a professional Muay Thai fighter. And I didn't want that, so I stopped. I used to practice on my own for another 5-years before I finally stopped that too."
So she was like "And you're sure...? You're not in any pain?"
And I told her "No. But clearly you believe I should be."
She then said "I've gotta go talk to my, hold on a second." and she left. I still don't know what the number was, but I do know it was higher than what the hospital told me later that night.
190/129.
So here it is?
Last night, and it was last night, not during the evening. Just looked it up on my calender.
May 11th at 10:49pm
After no activity except illness and continuing to take the blood pressure meds, so let me not exclude that. Because the blood pressure meds CAN REDUCE my blood pressure by about 10 - to -15 points split between the upper and lower number. Doctor Yuen was talking about that with me about 3-months ago where I told him "I got injured, fucked up my arches last year. So give me some time to get back on my workout regiment again."
And he told me "I see how your numbers have really fallen over the last 2-years especially?" then he asked me "You really had some stress relief once that relationship ended, didn't you?"
And I didn't bullshit him "False Hope destroys people like me. Because its a failing for me to want to see things through to the end and not all women are worth riding with till the end. I'm still sorting that out and its a weakness of mine and I'm working on it. I'll get it right."
Normal Blood Pressure is 120/80
After a week of nothing but illness?
The Machine came back with this;
May 11th 10:49pm
124/72
Like I said before, for many of you, you have your health. You have your children. You have your homes, your careers. For others like myself? We have whatever we've been able to hold onto. For me? I've always lived my life by the same question "Are these the rules? That's all I need to know." and then I get started. To see 124/72 reaffirmed that all of these hours of working out, doing my best to eat right. Walking when my arches permit it. And then creating this blog, while continuing to type and fill-out and flesh-out my first book that I know will be published. It's all been worth it. Hard work is what wins the day, not fantasies and fairy tales. Not listening to someone talk about things that they've never accomplished and know nothing about. Not worrying about relationships that are just holding patterns with the wrong woman, or man, if you are a woman reading this. I've always known that Your Life isn't gonna make itself, you have to make it, YOU HAVE TO LIVE IT. And you have to know when you've surrounded yourself with people or a person who has made it clear that they're not interested in Living Life. But are more about trying to get me or you or someone else, TO LIVE LIFE FOR THEM. I'm getting there people...
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