Mad Max Fury Road Movie Review....

Good Evening from Upper Darby!

You know I've heard a LOT OF HYPE about Mad Max Fury Road and supposedly how great it is. So? You know I decided to check it out, FOR FREE OF COURSE. Because no I am NOT going to pay money to add to something that I was certain was MORE HYPE THAN SUBSTANCE. Sure enough, I've seen reviews and youtubers talk about FURY ROAD, OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! IT'S SO GREAT! TOM HARDY, OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! HE'S SO GREAT!
CHARLIZE THERON!?
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! SHE'S SO GREAT!
SEE!? HERE'S THE TRAILER! IT'S SOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
GREAT!

Oh wait!? That's the Intro to the Opening of Mad Max 2 the Road Warrior. Hold on a second, lemme, here we go! Fury Road Trailer!

Of course you know I didn't accidentally include the actual Mad Max 2 opening, of course it was on purpose. Where if you've seen Fury Road then you see the piss-poor attempt to RECAPTURE this sentiment. And it fails. First of all, whether you love, hate or are indifferent to Mel Gibson, HE IS... Mad Max. We all know for many movie franchises when they do find Their Iconic Leading Actor or Actress to breathe life into their Main Character, it tends to be a blessing and a curse because that movie, that franchise, will begin and end with whomever that actor or actress is who brought the main character to life.

We also know that the central main character is NOTHING, without a GREAT OR MEMORABLE VILLAIN. These key elements, an Iconic Character brought to life by the Actor/Actress who was MEANT TO PORTRAY THEM. Coupled with the Actor/Actress who breathes life into Their Nemesis who WAS MEANT TO PORTRAY THAT CHARACTER. Then the coupling of Unique Side Characters, B-listers, Support Characters. Who are JUST AS IMPORTANT now that you have the two main tent-poles to raise this tent in entertainment terms that we call a movie. Now? You need a compelling world for which these characters to exist in. And you need the brief SNIPPET OF TIME THAT WE THE AUDIENCE WILL GET TO SEE THEM ALL EXIST IN.

These are the most BASIC FUNDAMENTALS of any FORM of story-telling. Not just the front. Middle. And the End. But it is THE INGREDIENTS, THE CHARACTERS, THE SETTING OR WORLD IN WHICH THIS STORY TAKES PLACE, that is JUST AS IMPORTANT IF NOT MORE SO, then the basic understanding that a story has a Front, Middle, and An End. Without compelling characters, INTERESTING CHARACTERS, in a world or setting that we give two fucks about. Then the whole thing fails. Mad Max within itself was always set in a Post-Apocalyptic World where the Two Great Tribes, which are never named but we all know were;

The American Empire
&
The Soviet Empire.

End up going to war prematurely because of the fact that the worlds oil, ends up drying up and running out. Knowing that the end of the oil means the end of their respective empires World War III is waged in a vain attempt by each to destroy the other. So that the victor can PILLAGE THE DESTROYED LOSER AND EXERT THEIR GRIP ON THE ENTIRE WORLD AFTERWARDS. You don't have to think too much or too hard to know that this is the backdrop of what has happened and because of it... EVERYONE LOSES...

For whatever reason Fury Road is too clean. Too polished. TOO MODERN. Instead of this being a Post-Apocalyptic Movie where CIVILIZATION BARELY OR RARELY EXISTS. This movie is just CIVILIZATION CARRYING ON, BUT THEY JUST HAPPEN TO BE OUT IN THE DESERT. -_- Something like that seems or doesn't appear to be a big deal, but it is huge. We see in Fury Road they have massive amounts of souped up vehicles. They ALL HAVE NITRO. Really? Now THEY ALL HAVE NITRO? We see overabundance of food. Water. Weapons. Yet we don't see an overabundance of sophisticated characters with intriguing backgrounds and brains where it doesn't translate. We see mindless brutes but somehow they have the intelligence to keep Gasoline Town going and Bullet Town making bullets and the Citadel pumping out water with GREENERY, CROPS, WITH AN IRRIGATION SYSTEM INSIDE?

They know what BLOOD TYPES ARE and HOW TO DO BLOOD TRANSFUSIONS PROPERLY? Really? -_- I mean? REALLY. Everything is too modern. TOO STERILE. Too predictable. AND TOO STUPID. It's all clean cut, as if survival in an age like this, tell me something? After you watch Fury Road what impression does it give you? I'll tell you because I know that whether you thought about it or not, it's part of what makes too many people think this movie is "cool" or "great". Because the movie says;

Shit'll be cool as fuck after a fuckin nuclear war.
There's gonna be gasoline and guns and cool-ass cars!
Breeder-bitches! And all you gotta do is make sure you link up with
One Dimensional Assholes like Immortan Joe, the supposed Main Villain in this
crapfest of color, car chases and childish nonsense.
Let's look at Immortan Joe, shall we. He's the main villain.

First of all he's not just White. But he's GHOSTLY WHITE. Meaning he's probably been irradiated, but he's certainly NOT NORMAL. We're shown at the start of this nearly 2-hour long car chase that he rules not only the Citadel, where all the water is. But if memory serves the Rulers of the CONVENIENTLY CLOSE Gas Town and Bullet Town are HIS BROTHERS. I could be WRONG about that, but here is where I am MOST DEFINITELY RIGHT ABOUT.

I have talked before about the fact that too many so-called authors, screenplay writers, etc. Create these shitty-ass, spoon-fed storylines. Where they literally take the reader, the viewer, the listener, by the hand. And then point out to them "Okay, this is the bad guy. And I'm gonna show you he's the bad guy cuz I'm gonna make him do BAD THINGS. Okay? Here we goooooooh, awwwww, look at how evil he is. Yes he is, he's soh evil, that if you honestly are doing any thinking whatsoever you already know that he's NEVER GONNA WIN IN THE END. So in all honesty? You really DON'T NEED TO CONTINUE. But I'm hoping that somehow you'll just TURN YOUR BRAIN OFF. And waste your time on this bullshit I'm showing you. Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! HUGS!"
-_-
Fuck outta here, FOOL!

Immortan Joe is a 1-Dimensional Asshole that any idiot could have fallen down steps and DREAMED UP WHILE UNCONSCIOUS! He's a SHITTY Lord Humungus where what makes him so shitty when compared to Lord Humungus is the fact that he has no real presence except for the

Lord Humungus of Mad Max 2 the Road Warrior...!

skull-mask he wears. In comparison to the fact that Lord Humungus wore a hockey-mask! They even went so far as to take Lord Humungus' line about his Dogs of War and create the War Boys for Immortan Joe. Immortan Joe's 1-dimensional villainy makes him an easy mark to simply be more of the eye-candy that makes up this ENTIRE. MOVIE. It is pretty to look at, which of course defeats the purpose of it being AFTER A NUCLEAR WAR WHERE WATER? Which they have PLENTY OF. Gasoline? EXTRA PLENTY OF THAT TOO. Weapons? HO-HO-HO! GOT THAT TOO! Food!? HEY-HEY! GOT THAT TOO! Then...?

Fuck is the point of this fuckin movie then? The fuckin setting IS ALREADY ALL FUCKIN WRONG. None of these people are ever in danger of dying of thirst. Lack of food. Not having weapons, for which Furiosa had more fuckin GUNS IN THE CAB OF HER WAR-RIG?! THE BITCH WAS LIKE A TYPICAL WHITE AMERICAN WOMAN LIVING RIGHT NEXT DOOR AND CELEBRATING MEMORIAL DAY WITH HER GUNS ROOTIN-TOOTIN-SHOOTIN!
-_-
Just?
Dumb. Shit is TOO CLEAN. When the fuck will they run out of gas?
NEVER!
NEVER NEVER NEVER!
Then? If you're going to MAKE THINGS THIS WAY, THEN?
You have to give me some actual SUBSTANCE TO THIS SHIT.
And how do, NO!? How COULD THEY HAVE DONE THAT?
By, shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, come closer to the screen. Because I don't want everyone to know this, but? They could have injected some real substance by making Immortan Joe and ACTUAL SURVIVOR OF AN APOCALYPTIC WAR where he is actually... A GOOD LEADER.
-_-
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! NOT THAT! GOD NO! NOOOOOOH! STOP! WE CAN'T HAVE!? THEN!? WHO'S THE BAD GUY, WHO'S THE BADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD GUY!?

Yes he could dress up in his little KISS-uniform. But? To start with, Immortan Joe could have been someone who does more than fuck with people by turning some spigots of water on and off and making dusty-ass White People beg for water! If this movie was written by some people with some actual fuckin skill, then since they decided to just FILL-IN-THE-BLANKS that had been missing from Mad Max 2 the Road Warrior, BECAUSE THAT'S ALL THESE LAZY FUCKS DID. If you watch Mad Max 2 whichever QUESTIONS WERE UNANSWERED THERE, they FILL THEM IN HERE. In Mad Max 2 we never knew WHERE THE FUCK DID LORD HUMUNGUS AND HIS GANG COME FROM, well?

In Fury Road they clearly have THE CITADEL. The Oil Refinery of Mad Max 2 is REINCARNATED AS GAS TOWN in Fury Road. So this time its on the side OF EVIL!
The Place that the Oil Refinery People are trying to get to in Mad Max 2 is now THE GREEN PLACE in Fury Road. It's all very LAZY. But even with all of this script rewrite work stolen from Mad Max 2, they could have had enough sense to realize that they'd made everything too clean and needed to give some real substance, even unspoken substance, to Their Characters. And making Immortan Joe a man who was either IN CHARGE OF THE CITADEL BEFORE WWIII, thus the reason why he has it in the first place, or!?

A man who came out of the wasteland with his War Boys and TOOK IT FROM WHOMEVER WAS THERE. The bottom line is still the same. Give that Old Whiteman some fuckin substance YOU LAZY FUCKS! Give him some REAL SKULL-TEETH. By making it clear that he HONESTLY TAKES CARE OF THE PEOPLE OF THE CITADEL, instead of the same old cliched crap used to JUSTIFY YOUR SHITTY CAR CHASE MOVIE. Give shit some real moral dilemma FOR THE VIEWING AUDIENCE. Immortan Joe allows you to LIVE AT THE CITADEL but you MIGHT HAVE TO TITHE UP YOUR DAUGHTER/S, NOT YOUR WIFE OR WIVES. But the Citadel CANNOT DEFEND ITSELF BY ITSELF, thus!? Women are needed to produce children and Immortan Joe SPECIFICALLY WANTS ONLY HIS LINE, THE ORIGINALS, to maintain power over the Citadel. Thus the reason why he doesn't simply draft from the children that are a part of the Citadel's general population.

I fuckin made that up JUST FUCKIN NOW. So what the fuck is the excuse for the 3-lazy fucks who wrote this shitty movie? Which includes George Miller himself. So NOW?! With what I just made up as the backdrop we see that Immortan Joe is TYPICAL FOR MOST PEOPLE IN POWER. THEY WANNA STAY IN POWER. They wanna KEEP POWER FOR THEM AND THEIR OWN.

How about if we cut the CRAP with the Breeding-Bitches bullshit and split that shit down the middle where if you become ONE OF IMMORTAN JOE'S WIVES, then THAT IS WHAT YOU ARE. The only way you fall into the Breeders is if YOU DECIDE TO RENEGE ON THE TITHE THAT YOUR PARENTS WILLINGLY GAVE OF YOU. Now that!? THAT SHIT WILL GET PEOPLE TO FUCKIN TALKING! Because what I am saying is that when Immortan Joe asks a family to tithe THEIR DAUGHTER, ay!? You don't have to do it. But your ass MOST CERTAINLY CAN'T STAY IN THE CITADEL IF YOU SAY NO. Now? Because lazy people will then turn this shit back to cliched crap, THEN THAT MEANS THAT IMMORTAN JOE HAS TO BE SMART. He doesn't just run up on his citizenry every 5-FUCKIN SECONDS TAXING THE SHIT OUT OF THEM. That's dumb! And will CREATE PROBLEMS FOR HIM IN THE FUTURE.

Families who TITHE, GET THE BEST OF THE BEST. They get to become War Boys IF THEY HAVE BOYS and they past The Exam. They get to become MECHANICS and work on the cars and shit! They get to GO TO BULLET TOWN AND LEARN A TRADE OR SKILL OR CRAFT AND GET HIRED THERE. THEY GET TO GO TO GASOLINE TOWN AND THEY CAN GET WORK THERE, ETC! Now? I'm building a real fuckin functional setting where you see the pros and cons of either being there and tithing IF ASKED. Or simply being a part of the citizenry and helping Immortan Joe REBUILD HIS OWN FORM OF CIVILIZATION! WHERE HIM AND HIS CHILDREN AND HIS CHOSEN RULE! Now? We got a fuckin story that is built to ACTUALLY EXIST in this too clean crap of an apocalypse. We have a villain who is SHREWD, and may not actually BE THE VILLAIN. This leads us to Furiosa....

In the actual movie we get MORE CLICHED CRAP. Furiosa was stolen from Her Homeland, the Green Place, and brought to the Citadel and forced to do what exactly? Was she a former Breeder? Doesn't seem like it, so then what was she forced to do when she got kidnapped? I dunno and we never find out either, OPEN WIDE MORE SPOON-FEEDING SLOP! We are introduced to this 1-dimensional MAIN CHARACTER, because make no mistake THIS IS HER STORY. Mad Max is actually a SIDE CHARACTER HERE. The title is Fury Road and it just so happens that Charlize Theron's bullshit character is called Furiosa. Now? If there is ONE THING that Whites are great for doing in their PRESENT-DAY STORYTELLING, is trying to figure out exactly what the fuck it means to HAVE A STRONG WHITE-FEMALE CHARACTER.
-_-
HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! IT'S LIKE WATCHING THE VILLAGE IDIOT TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHY THEY'RE THE VILLAGE IDIOT! HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
^_^!
First off when you have to CALL SOMETHING BY ITS NAME, you usually HAVE ALREADY FAILED AND FUCKED IT UP! So the moment I heard bullshit about the movie is Feminist, HAHAHHAHAHAHA! Hate to break it to you but being a woman with some sort of content of character doesn't make you Feminist, it just makes you what you are, A WOMAN. And a woman is AN ADULT FORM OF A GIRL. Just like A MAN, is the adult form of a boy. But it's the content of your character that truly determines whether or not YOU ARE AN ADULT. It's supposed to be about how you conduct yourself and your level of maturity, accountability and how you handle your responsibilities and the people who come and go in your life. This is what it means to BE AN
ADULT. Successfully handling the aforementioned things makes you a stable, functional, adult. Whereas children will simply ABANDON SHIP WITHOUT WARNING because they don't have enough life experience to know that you cannot simply skate off when you have started something. Especially when it is something that you are responsible for and will be held accountable for.

With that brief disclaimer done, too many people just lob labels of STRENGTH AND REPRESENTING FEMINISM at any entertainment project that has women in it where they make crazy claims about how strong she was or is without looking at the actual criteria that is going to show you whether or not the woman actually has the content of character that you're looking for IN A WOMAN. Kill Bill was a prime example where fools swore that the women in that movie were STRONG, HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH! When they were all STEREOTYPES OF BOTH THE WOMEN FROM THE RACES-N-PLACES THEY CAME FROM. AND THE ACTRESSES THEMSELVES!
Suckers! ^_^!!!!!
In reality the main character Beatrix knew full-well she was pregnant with Bill's baby and had become The Head of His Whiteman's Harem of Assassins. She then decided to CHILDISHLY SKATE TOWN AND ABANDON AN ASSASSINATION MISSION LIKE A CHILD! KNOWING SHE IS PREGNANT WITH THE MAN SHE CLAIMS TO "LOVE SO MUCH'S", BABY!
-_-
WHICH MEANS THE BITCH IS NOT A WOMAN. NOR IS SHE STRONG OF SPIRIT OR CHARACTER. Unless you wanna give her props for BEING A STRONG RUNNER AWAY FROM HER OWN FUCKIN DECISIONS. Last time I checked she thought shit was great when she was laying around fuckin Bill and KILLING PEOPLE FOR A LIVING. She then GETS PREGNANT, which is BOUND TO HAPPEN IF YOU KEEP FUCKING. EVEN WITH PROTECTION. But instead of her going back to THE FATHER OF HER CHILD. Getting married. And then EITHER SHE RETIRES OR THEY RETIRE. She makes THE ARBITRARY DECISION TO LIE, while their VERY PROFESSION MAKES THIS AN ABSOLUTE NO-NO. Internationally RENOWN ASSASSINS WHO HAVE KILLED HOW MANY VIPS AND SUCH!? Then she DECIDES TO FAKE HER OWN DEATH? While on a mission.

Oh and please note that we find out in Kill Bill 2 that all the shit SHE CLAIMED Bill couldn't do, HE ENDED UP DOING. You see that he is QUITE FUCKIN RETIRED and is raising THEIR CHILD. So I still find it funny that NOBODY, AND LORD HUMUNGUS MEANS, NOOOOOOOOOOOBODY! Ever approached Tarantino and said "Hey man? Uhhhh, Beatrix was actually wrong on all fronts because Bill was retired. All the shit SHE CLAIMED HE WOULDN'T DO, he did. Never mind that HE MADE SURE TO GET HER TO THE HOSPITAL IN THE FIRST PLACE once he figured out her lie as he shot her in the head and she told him LAST MOMENT. That it was HIS BABY." mind you? The reason she got her ass BEAT TO DEATH IN THE CHAPEL WAS BECAUSE SHE'D FAKED HER DEATH AND LIED. She caused her own problems, because HE THOUGHT she'd betrayed THE GROUP. So anybody giving Beatrix Kiddo ANY PROPS for being "strong"?

Is a fuckin idiot.

I can't even type anymore about that White-bitch, because the childish stupidity in trying to pretend like she didn't bring her own problems on herself was disgusting. Furiosa is grouped in the same category of being a Straw-woman Character where she exposes herself as such nearly immediately when she reveals that SHE HAS TO LIE TO HER OWN WAR PARTY. -_- How many of you that saw this movie honestly thought to yourselves, hold up? She leads this War Party, these are HER MEN. By having TO LIE TO THEM, it means she was never able to EARN ENOUGH OF THEIR TRUST AND RESPECT THROUGHOUT HOWEVER MANY MISSIONS AND LIFE-THREATENING EXPERIENCES THAT THE MOVIE TRIED TO IMPLY THEY HAD HAD. Missing this CRITICAL AND SUBTLE-CLICHED POINT, really says EVERYTHING ABOUT THE VIEWER AND WHERE THEIR OWN MIND'S ARE, more than anyone else.

When we see WHITEMEN, because I am not stupid. I do NOT ABSOLVE THE FACT THAT THE ENTERTAINMENT WORLD IS DOMINATED BY WHITES-WHITE JEWS AND WHITEMEN IN PARTICULAR, SO!? When Whitemen show movies of Whitemen Characters DECIDING TO REBEL AGAINST THE AUTHORITY, THEIR OWN LITTLE SUB-GROUP OR GANG, ALWAYS SIDES WITH THEM! Why? Because it shows that this Whiteman Character has formed bonds STRONG ENOUGH with his band of brothers where THEY WILL RIDE TO THEIR DEATHS WITH HIM. But in Fury Road, Furiosa was not only UNABLE TO CONVINCE HER WAR BOYS TO RIDE WITH HER, she never ONCE ASKS THEM TO JOIN HER. Making her IN ALL HONESTY, THE TYPICAL SNEAKY WHITE-BITCH STEREOTYPE!

So anyone who thinks Furiosa was some STRONG WHITEWOMAN, think again. The bitch WAS TYPICAL WHITE-BITCH hyped up to be something that you see first hand SHE NEVER WAS. Which is a LEADER OF MEN. ^_^! Suckers! I'm not even gonna lie, to go any further and point out EVEN MORE FLAWS WITH THIS PRETTY AIR-HEADED PIECE-A-SHIT MOVIE, is a waste of my time AND YOURS. If you like pretty pictures and mindless violence with not one shred of substance or sense, then this movie is for you! Once you see it and claim it was GREAT OR AMAZING, then understand THAT YOU ARE WHY MICHAEL BAY WILL BE MAKING TRANSFORMERS 16.

If you are someone who wants to enjoy the movie but wants more than a giant car-chase to nowhere, because UNFORTUNATELY THE STUPIDITY OF THIS MOVIE GETS DOWNRIGHT BLATANT AFTER AWHILE. Thank GOD THAT I DIDN'T PAY TO SEE THIS SHIT. Wait for it to come out on Netflix or some shit, but don't waste YOUR TIME AND MONEY. You can't get either one back, so I say DON'T GIVE EITHER OF THEM UP TO THIS SLOP. You will see silly shit like Immortan Joe emptying out his ENTIRE CITADEL to get his Breeder Bitches back, yet!? When the movie CONVENIENTLY NEEDS HIM TO STOP CHASING HE LITERALLY DOES. Allowing for more SILLY-SHIT to go on. Then when he's needed TO START CHASING AGAIN, mysteriously, HE DOES. Enough. I appreciate you reading this review but the bottom line is that this movie is just a TYPICAL action-movie involving cars where it dumb's itself down at key points to keep the so-called Heroes from getting killed off. Then it throws some fluff characters in so THEY CAN GET KILLED OFF. Then Immortan Joe GETS KILLED OFF by Weak White-Bitch Furiosa and then mysteriously the remaining hoarde of Joe's followers never return to KILL THEM ALL. Just. Dumb. You'll notice that I don't talk about Tom Hardy as Mad Max and that's because he's unimportant and unimpressive. Any idiot could have done what he did or ANY NEWLY CREATED CHARACTER COULD HAVE DONE HIS PART IN THE MOVIE. They could have called it Shawn Williams Fury Road and that wouldn't have gotten any name recognition, but it would have been the same thing though. Mad Max, the character, is just there TO DRAW AS A NAME. Nothing more, nothing less. So that's why I didn't even delve into Tom Hardy as Bane, as Mad Max, because he's IRRELEVANT AND REPLACEABLE. IF YOU CAN SEE THIS MOVIE FOR FREE? Then maybe you should do that, because it does look pretty. I will give it that. It does look pretty. Pretty shallow. And empty. Later Peoples and thanks for reading.....