I decided to post this, because I felt as though it deserved to be posted here. It is one of my journal entries for My Son whom I have not seen since his mother decided that she'd rather lie than tell the truth and accept the fact that she was not a fit Blackwoman for motherhood or marriage. I have no idea how many Black People will see this, but whether you are a Blackman or a Blackwoman? If you have children, if you have child support, if you have animosity between yourselves? Understand that when you do certain things towards each other, yourselves, and your children? You, that woman, that man, and your children, may never recover. You may do irreparable damage to each other and your children in the process. And worse than that, especially if you are a Black American, waiting just beyond your door is a White American Domestic Court System that seeks your destruction regardless of whether you think you are "winning" at the moment. Do not let bitterness and petty-stupidity overwhelm good judgment and end you the way that it helped to end Walter Scott's life and countless other Blackmen and Blackwomen. Love each other enough to value YOUR FUTURES AND THAT OF YOUR CHILDREN... that is all I have to say....
Here is my post;
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How are you doing, son? What have you done this weekend? How did things go this week? I've been working hard on the book and getting things in order as best as possible. But I have been wondering how you are doing and hoping your all right and looking at things going on in Our Country where it is open season on killing Blackmen and Black Boys. I spend a lot of time hoping you are safe and wondering why your mother refuses to cooperate and let me see you.
Don't worry though, soon?
She won't be able to simply do as she pleases for much longer and I'll have my parental rights back that she lied to steal. The situation that happened in South Carolina with Walter Scott is something that exposes many of the flaws in how we do things as Black People and how Whites and White Supremacy then capitalizes off of it and makes a bad situation horrific.
For starters this is a race-related problem for which WE AS BLACK PEOPLE ARE GUILTY, myself included. I have made decisions in the past where I know that because Whites have set up laws and create a social environment of bias AGAINST US AS BLACKS and LOW-EXPECTATIONS FOR US AS BLACKS. They make a LOT OF MONEY off of EXPLOITING US, BUT?! That is because WE ALLOW IT. This is by no means YOUR FAULT, these things are taking place because of how we as Black People are not AGGRESSIVELY ORGANIZING AND COVERING THE BASICS OF HOW WE DO THINGS, like, for instance;
I should not have to type up this journal log email so you can see that I have never abandoned or forgotten about you. But your mother is intentionally choosing to keep me from talking to you on a daily-basis and us spending time together on a daily-basis. She DOESN'T HAVE TO DO WHAT SHE IS DOING, SHE IS CHOOSING TO DO WHAT SHE IS DOING. This kind of small-minded pettiness is how a bad situation where she HATES ME, becomes her carrying that over to DEPRIVE YOU OF ME, AS YOUR FATHER. AND ME OF YOU, AS MY SON.
Your mother is DECIDING to do what she is doing and no one is FORCING HER to do what she is doing. Now? On my end? I messed up by taking all kinds of risks when I was with your mother when she'd already shown me repeatedly that she is more than capable of this kind of behavior and could care less about the damage it does to me and even to herself as a person. When you then add on the fact that Whites have a system set up to then capitalize off of this, then that is where a bad situation becomes worse. I have NOT PRESSED THE ISSUE, because your mother lied to gain LEGAL CUSTODY when she lied and said I was aware of the divorce court date. This is something where I am probably going to push to have your mother or her brother, your Uncle Kwame, punished according to the law for lying.
Your mother had no problems also using her false claim of domestic abuse to kick all of this off from the door. It was a claim that I could have EASILY BEATEN if I KNEW THAT I HAD SOMEPLACE TO BE ABLE TO LIVE AT WHERE YOU AND I COULD LEAVE SAFELY AND LIVE SAFELY. My own mother played a factor in that outcome and a massive NEGATIVE ONE where just like your mother, she decided that being petty is more important than actually either doing what was right. Because she knew and knows that your mother has a history of being abusive to children, and I have REALLY GAMBLED with letting this drag on as far as I have when I know she abused your older half-sister Iesha. Which led to Iesha having to be turned over to DHS because I couldn't trust your mother to not beat her while I was at work. This is also why I said I AM JUST AS GUILTY OF MAKING THIS MESS BECAUSE YOUR MOTHER SHOWED WHAT KIND OF A WOMAN SHE IS.
I made things worse however when I finally found a means in my writing and had a source of inspiration and had worked out A SYSTEM to be able to write books where I could have generated income to finally be able to get you SOONER THAN THIS. But I STUPIDLY decided to get involved with Stacey whose only objectives in the end was to try to find someone to help her get a divorce from her husband so she could get out of HER OWN MESS WITH HER OWN MARRIAGE and LASH OUT AT HER SO-CALLED, family.
That decision ON MY PART WAS NOT MADE OR DRIVEN BY WHITES, BUT WAS MY OWN STUPIDITY AND BAD CHOICE TO MAKE. All of what I have told you sets the table in a negative fashion where it then allows the White Power, White Supremacy Power Structure to then exploit what is FOR THEM MOST OF THE TIME AS WHITE PEOPLE, just lapses in judgment. Or bad breaks. But for us as Black People these things can become permanent problems that too many of us are dragged down never to rise back up again due to the psychological pressures of our own personal guilt over not being able to make ZERO-MISTAKE DECISIONS. The pressure to be PERFECT in Our Decision Making as Black People is IMPOSSIBLE.
But the pressures put on us both internally, as Black People, as well externally through White Supremacy, and finally, the simple fact of Our OWN normal ability or inability to deal with things on a personal level simply as a human being. These three factors, with a Zero-Mistake Decision Drive strapped to our brains? Causes tremendous amounts of pressure for all of us as Black People and many of us react in a horribly negative fashion because as time passes, trapped in this kind of psychological time bomb, many of us become withered away psychologically and begin to lash out without any care of consequences because we're under TOO MUCH PRESSURE.
Walter Scott AND HIS FAMILY's decision to not come together and accept the fact that he either needs to stop having kids, because he can't deal with the child support amounts that end up being charged against him by his former wife, or!? The family needed to pitch-in to create a child support fund to help him and any other Black People in THEIR FAMILY to pay on the child support so that he wouldn't have been so paranoid of going to jail and ran from the police who then shot him in the back and killed him over what essentially amounts to x-amount of dollars or 30 days in jail.
Now? Let me break down the above paragraph so you can FULLY UNDERSTAND everything I've said in tonight's journal entry;
#1) The fact that I had to type that Walter Scott should have realized he needed to STOP HAVING KIDS because HE CAN'T PAY FOR CHILD SUPPORT is a hard dose of reality where the previous psychological pressures and problems that we face as Black People help to cause POTENTIAL BLOW BACK AND DISLIKE among OUR OWN PEOPLE, because we've lived for our ENTIRE EXISTENCE AS BLACKS IN AMERICA HAVING TO CONSTANTLY NOT LIVE LIFE TO ITS FULLEST. Which includes;
Being able to earn a real wage and have the FINANCIAL ABILITY TO BE SELF-SUFFICIENT AND SELF-SUSTAINING FOR THE WORK THAT WE'VE DONE.
This is something that some Whites can relate to, BUT MOST CAN'T. Even when one talks about Irish American Immigrants they were actually considered LESS THAN US AS BLACK PEOPLE, BUT!? When White Americans became fearful during the Great Depression AND OTHER TIMES OF ECONOMIC HARDSHIP FOR WHITE AMERICANS IN THE 1900'S, they offered opportunities to White Ethnicity's as well as even Asian-Americans such as the Japanese, Pre-World War II, because they would rather have THEM PROFIT AND BE PRODUCTIVE INSTEAD OF US AS BLACK PEOPLE.
Asian's were at one point classified as White in Our Country. The Irish were given the chance to move up by being given opportunities to become police officers, most often patrolling Black neighborhoods and oppressing, abusing and suppressing us. Even old American cartoons often depict an OFFICER O'MALLEY, which is a stereotypical Irish name, but most White Americans despised Irish American Whites, so then how or why did cartoons all of a sudden start depicting baton and nightstick twirling cops as O'Riley and O'Malley? It was because during this time the Whites had once again found out that Our People were nothing like the dumb savages that they love to call us and try to show us as. But when economic hardships came along Whites became fearful and hateful whenever they saw Black People having the ability to move up and BENEFIT IN ANY WAY, while they were not.
During World War II, Black Americans began to take advantage of the fact that they'd saved massive amounts of money and were working together with one another during the Great Depression prior to World War II. Whites initially BLOCKED US from joining the military and enlisting and they also BLOCKED US AS BEST THEY COULD FROM THE JOBS CREATED BY THE MILITARY CRISIS, however? With the VERY REAL THREAT of Nazi Germany and Imperial Japan, unlike the American-backed Boko Horam of Nigeria, Al-Qaeda and ISIS, the Nazi and Imperialist of Japan had REAL MILITARY POWER. WITH THE VERY REAL ABILITY TO WIPE OUR COUNTRY AND ANYONE ELSE OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH. So Whites had no choice but to enlist in droves AND THEIR OWN BIGOTED-HATRED OF US BEGAN TO AID GERMANY AND JAPAN IN THE WAR AGAINST THEM, SO!?
They began to allow Blacks to work in the military production factories and other companies, manufacturing jobs, that were created due to the War. Ken Burns documentary called The War also highlights this in poor bits and pieces, you and I will sit down and go over that too when we've finally had the chance to get reacquainted with one another and can talk freely and actually be Father and Son again.
Our People began doing what everyone does when they are focused and organized and DETERMINED to BETTER THEMSELVES AND BETTER THEIR LOT IN LIFE. We ACTED. AGGRESSIVELY. SHREWDLY. We used the Whites hatred of us as a means to be able to buy up the areas and homes that THEY HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO ABANDON DUE TO THE WAR. The city of San Francisco is a MASSIVE EXAMPLE of how much Whites truly despise us when we show them that we are JUST AS SMART AS THEY ARE AND JUST AS ORGANIZED. Blacks during World War II with the housing market in free fall, began pooling their money and buying homes IN SAN FRANCISCO AT DIRT CHEAP PRICES! The influx of jobs and our access to them due to the war allowed Our People to have the capital they needed and to flex their business acumen where in today's times people are OVERLY PRAISED FOR BEING SMART when they buy up housing properties when the market is down, while the reality is that even a fool can take advantage of an opportunity IF THEY HAVE THE CAPITAL TO DO SO!
Our People became a huge population in San Francisco much to the Whites hatred, where they then began passing laws TO STOP US FROM BUYING PROPERTY! So mind you son, we're in the midst of a war THAT WE COULD HAVE LOST, BUT!? For Whites it was MORE IMPORTANT TO TURN AROUND AND DISCRIMINATE AND PASS LAWS TO BLOCK OUR PEOPLE FROM BUYING UP MORE HOMES AND BECOMING THE DOMINANT BUSINESSES AND RESIDENTS OF A MAJOR AMERICAN WEST COAST CITY THAT WHITES IDOLIZE THEN AND STILL DO NOW.
They then began secretly whitewashing away any attempts for us to buy more property or open businesses by simply NOT SELLING TO US. Then once World War II was over they AGGRESSIVELY TARGETED AND DESTROYED OUR LEGITIMATELY BLACK OWNED BUSINESSES, WHILE ALSO FIRING ANY OF US FROM ANY WHITE AND WHITE-JEWISH OWNED BUSINESSES THAT WE WORKED FOR. Now this is critical, IT'S CRITICAL! Because it shows the INHERENT FLAW IN ECONOMIC EMPOWERMENT WHEN A GROUP IS DETERMINED TO DESTROY YOU BECAUSE THEY CONTROL THE CRITICAL PARTS OF THE COUNTRY AND HAVE THE MASS-NUMBERS AND MILITARY MIGHT TO ENFORCE IT!
The Whites then DROVE THE NOW DEPOWERED AND ECONOMICALLY DESTITUTE BLACKS, THEY THEN DROVE OUR PEOPLE INTO OAKLAND! WHERE THEY HAD ALREADY SET UP THE SAME STANDARDS TO KEEP BLACK PEOPLE AWAY FROM BANK LOANS, because remember, they destroyed all of the Black San Francisco People's BLACK-OWNED BUSINESSES. So they've lost their ability TO GENERATE CAPITAL. With no means to MAKE MONEY and then being FORCED TO MOVE, then ALL OF YOUR MONEY GETS TURNED TOWARDS BUYING SHELTER, FOOD, CLOTHING, MOVING EXPENSES, ETC!
Then being forced into a DEPOWERED ECONOMIC WHITEHOLE, now you have NO NEW MONEY COMING IN. Laws are in place TO LIMIT YOUR ABILITY TO PURCHASE STOREFRONT SPACE. Never mind you've taken a MASSIVE FINANCIAL LOSS! And now you are stuck someplace WHERE THERE ARE NO OPPORTUNITIES ON PURPOSE SO YOU CANNOT FIND NEW WORK NOR CAN YOU CREATE NEW WORK FOR YOURSELF! This then begins the process of economic blight that then turns what starts off as a beautiful looking City of Oakland, but the Black People have been robbed of everything and have no access or cooperation from the WHITES IN POWER THERE. Who have been WAITING for the pushed out San Fran Blacks to GET DUMP TO THEM. The local law enforcement is AN OCCUPATION FORCE WITH NOTHING BUT WHITES ON THE FORCE WHERE THEY ALL KNOW THAT THEY ARE THERE, THERE JOB! IS TO SUPPRESS AND OPPRESS THE NEW INFLUX OF "REFUGEE BLACKS", WHO'VE LOST EVERYTHING.
You then begin allowing overabundant access to alcohol. Drugs. It's REALLY SICK and DISGUSTING! The amount of PLANNING USED, but more than enough information exists now and that Whites have released to the public and Our Own Peoples LIVING ACCOUNTS AND TESTIMONIES, show you how Whites will WILLFULLY DO THESE THINGS ON PURPOSE AND LOSE NO SLEEP OVER IT AT ALL. The City of Camden, New Jersey is ANOTHER EXAMPLE where Whites kept us OUT OF THE CITY when it was prosperous. They then taxed themselves and profiteered themselves INTO A CORNER. Then allowed Our People to move in for a QUICK CASH TSUNAMI FOR THEMSELVES TO RIDE THAT WAVE OUT OF CAMDEN! While GUTTING THE CITY OF ALL OF ITS JOBS AND COMPANY LIKE BANDITS PLUNDERING A BANK! Leaving Our People who MOVED TO THIS CITY SEEKING OPPORTUNITY TO END UP STUCK THERE AS THE WHITES RACE OUT OF A CITY THAT THEY INTENTIONALLY DESTROYED!
I say all of these things to you son to show you the History of White Oppression and the History of Our Oppression and THE DAMAGE that this causes psychologically TO US. Where something as simple as going out. Opening a business or having a job, it is critical, CRITICAL! For a person to be able to work. To work for themselves. Or to work for others. But when someone decides to INTENTIONALLY DO EVERYTHING THEY CAN TO TAKE THAT AWAY FROM YOU? Then YOU HAVE TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT THIS IS NOT SOMEONE YOU CAN EVER TRUST! OR EVER FEEL SAFE OR COMFORTABLE AROUND. And you need to take measures that will bring an end to being BULLIED LIKE THIS. This ONE POINT. I have only delved into ONE POINT, of the paragraph about how all of the things that Walter Scott did, CAME ABOUT. And why Our People react negatively to certain things where White Americans and White People IN GENERAL, have limited TO KNOW CONCEPT OF THIS. Thanks to White Privilege, White Power and White Supremacy.
Is it FAIR that Walter Scott should have realized that he couldn't have anymore kids and not have had more kids? YES. And why? BECAUSE IT IS THE REALITY OF HIS SITUATION AND ALL OF OURS AS BLACK PEOPLE. You do NOT HAVE A SISTER, UNFORTUNATELY, because once Your Mother, MY WIFE AT THAT TIME! Showed me exactly how CUCKOO FOR COCOA PUFFS SHE IS!? Which means crazy by the way. Once Your Mother showed me that she was NOT to be trusted? Unlike Walter Scott? Or His Family? I took that to heart son. RIGHT NOW? You should have a SISTER. A LITTLE SISTER. I'm sorry son, but when your mother started talking crazy and acting funny, I'M SORRY, BUT!?
I lied to her ass and claimed we couldn't afford another child. I tricked your mother into getting an abortion and My Own Mother can VERIFY THAT, BECAUSE I TOLD HER WHAT I WAS DOING AND WHY. I tricked your mother into getting an abortion and I'm sorry son, but I had your little sister killed. I had your mother abort her. Because your mother had continued to INTERFERE with my attempts to START MY OWN BUSINESS where all of this artwork you see in my posts? I had EVERYTHING LAID OUT, but instead of her being happy for the fact that she had a man who UNDERSTOOD we needed OUR OWN BUSINESS, OUR OWN MEANS OF INCOME and then the opportunity to put away money. Invest. A build up enough RESERVES for the housing crash I WARNED YOUR MOTHER ABOUT BEFORE IT HAPPENED. When your mother, showed me she couldn't be trusted?
I knew what she was gonna do next. But I was already too deep in with her. I'm sorry son, but? I knew she was going to run to the Whites and lie, so? I tricked her into aborting my daughter, your sister, because God knows what she would have done had she had both YOU AND YOUR SISTER TO USE AS HOSTAGES AGAINST ME. It is something that I have always resented myself for. But unlike Walter Scott, I could not pretend like I didn't understand the depths of the danger that I'd PUT MYSELF IN, by making the wrong choice to marry the wrong woman. I love you son and have never stopped loving you. Your mother has been bitterly jealous of Our Connection since the day you were conceived where I told her, I TOLD HER, THAT SHE WAS PREGNANT WITH YOU BECAUSE I DECIDED TO CREATE YOU INSIDE OF HER. Women carry children to term, but it is us, as men, that actually make humanity exist. Without men women are like tracks of farmland with no seeds or crops planted.
Walter Scott at some point or another had to recognize, fairly or not, that he just didn't have the means to pay for the children he'd had. He isn't White. As if that makes it better. But we live in a system, during a time, where Whites will make any bad situation horrific for us simply because that has been the nature of our relationship. We recognize that when women are beaten and abused, they should not be trying to sit down with their abuser and WORK IT OUT. But My Son we have Black People who work overtime to tell us to keep trying to "work things out" with Whites. We have White People who know full-well that the mere THOUGHT of what will Black People do if and when they ever return to respectability and power, what will they do TO US, for what we've done to them. It genuinely AND RIGHTFULLY SCARES THEM, making it IMPOSSIBLE TO HONESTLY ACHIEVE ANY LASTING PEACEFUL COEXISTENCE WITH THEM ON ANY TERMS WITHOUT US HAVING FULL-AUTONOMY AND CONTROL OVER OUR LIVES, ENVIRONMENTS, SOCIAL STANDARDS AND NORMS. Brother Scott was probably a laid-back brother who tried to take life as it came, unfortunately? We aren't living in a time IN OUR HISTORY where Black People can disregard the dangers of White Supremacy. Do NOT disregard the reality of your situation son. Do not make the mistakes that Brother Scott and myself have made. I'm coming around the backstretch now to finally get you and as usual it is interesting to see people working overtime to try trip me up at this most critical stretch of this ungodly long marathon.
Nothing will stop me from getting back to you My Son. Not even my own incompetence. Goodnight, I love you. And I miss you. I have decided I am going to post this to my blog too, as a warning for Our People, no matter who they are or where they are. Because that is what we're supposed to do. We're supposed to talk to one another. We're supposed to talk to Our People and share our ups and downs and do whatever we can to help them survive and understand and move from simply surviving, to actually thriving, thanks to our collective accumulated wisdom of trail-and-error. Triumphs and failures. Good luck to you whomever you are Brother and Sister, wherever you are reading this. Always remember that you are Black and it is up TO YOU, UP TO ME, UP TO US! TO MAKE THAT MATTER, NOT ANYONE ELSE!
Black Power.
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